Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure
Another interactive story brought to you by you.
After the success of the Pulitzer-nominated Count Von Blutkuchen Meets The Draculettes, we just knew we had to give Cracked readers another go at achieving short-lived internet fame.
We hit them up on Facebook and asked them to tell us what happened next in this harrowing story:
The townspeople gathered around the mysterious sinkhole that had cratered almost the entirety of Main Street. Nobody was injured, but they heard a faint, eerie laugh coming from the bottom of the seemingly bottomless fissure.
We assembled a team of two toddlers, a bored crab, and a dog named Brendan Fraser to arrange the responses and Photoshop them into ... something.
"They looked at each other and shrugged. Nothing ever happened in old Indianburialgroundville." -- Leta B.
"They wondered how they could possibly hear anything from the bottom of a seemingly bottomless fissure, but that was besides the point." -- James M.
"And then the laugh turned into many; before the townspeople knew it a cacophony of shrieks and giggles echoed out of the depths." -- Theresa C.
"A grizzled old cop and his rookie partner reached the spot to investigate." -- Azex N.
"When everyone realized the police were giving out $500 tickets, the people tried to get away." -- Jennifer F.
"It was at that moment that Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot came from out of nowhere and shut that shit down. The hole
disappeared and she used the force to shove everyone back in their homes." -- Brad D.
"We wish to apologize for that last joke. It was in poor taste and those responsible have been sacked. Let's put this behind us
and continue with the story." -- Cody M.
"Someone from the crowd finally gathered the courage to yell, 'What's so funny?'" -- Landon S.
"A putrid stench rose from the hole and overwhelmed the townspeople." -- Stephanie O.
"Closer inspection revealed it was Danny De Vito counting his wad of hundreds." -- Uzair I.
"Brian rushed forward screaming and waving his arms frantically." -- Aaron D.
"Ffffffuckin Carol Baskin!" -- Tadd D.
"One brave woman peered into the gaping maw and spied Jared Kushner's waxen visage staring upward." -- Yared C.
"And that's when the diarrhea struck." -- Keenan L.
"Flames erupted from the sinkhole, and from the fire emerged a huge cloaked figure." -- Kendall B.
"It was Elmo, and he had finally gone mad." -- Quentin B.
"Combine the wet and dry ingredients and bake the cake. Next, stack the layers with the buttercream frosting and add decorations." -- Mark E.
"Suddenly a cricket in a suit hopped out." -- Brad D.
"It was Satan who, despite his dark, dreary persona, still has a jolly, lighter side." -- Fred J.
"It was all a joke. This is some of that forced perspective street art." -- Cameron V.
