The 34 Most Petty Ways You Secretly Judge People

How to dial your pettiness game up to 11.
The 34 Most Petty Ways You Secretly Judge People

Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it.

Most of us think of ourselves as open-minded, but the truth is we're constantly judging people on incredibly stupid stuff. It's probably just mental laziness -- it's much easier to draw a conclusion about a person based on some random thing, than to actually get to know them and make an informed opinion.

Doesn't mean we're going to stop doing it, or anything. We just wanted to see our readers' pettiest, feeblest criteria for deciding a person is stupid, weird, or worse, uncool. Shout-out to Bakudai, whose snap judgments are always reasonable and correct, for thinking up this contest.

A friend of mine always sets her TV'svolume at odd numbers. 25 III -0 0 think she's secretly a psychopath. CRACKEIDOON
If someone pours in their milk before their cereal... I just know they can't be trusted because they've got f****d up priorities and could possibly be
Every time I see someone working out by the beach, I can't keep from thinking he's a douche who's out there hunting for phone numbers. I11111 CRACKEDc
Whon D see a inne ike this for Starbucks or Dutch Brroso D can't help thinkiinng: SSTLARBUCESTE LOFHT DINE ST LOOK at those pathetic cafferine Junkie
When I see guys wearing rings or necklaces, I assume they're shallow show-offs. CRACKED CON
CRACKED COM Whenever I see someone using a mouse instead of a keyboard command, I assume they're computer illiterate babies.
Crooked picture frame? Arer ll And you can't spend two seconds fixing it? Lazy b*$&%d! CRACKED CONT
CRACKED COM AV If you're rocking either gJeneric tribal orr barrbed wire tattoos, I always thinnk you're the least crreative person alive.
If someone on the street waves at me and I don't know them... They are either a robber or a salesperson.
CRACKEDOON SOMSANG I think that people who walk distracted by their cell phones are mindless zombies, and I believe they deserve whatever bad things h
If I see a group of people having a conversation in the middle of a grocery aisle and totally blocking the way, I'm going to assume they're the same k
When 0 see a friend Google something by typing in their query into the search bar instead of just using the address bar, 0 automatically assume they b
KEEPINC UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS I judge the heck of my friends who genuinely enjoy reality TV shows. I assume there must be something off in their hea
CRACKED If I see anybody at a fancy restaurant swirl, smell, and slurp their wine like a connoisseur, I'm going to automatically assume they are a pre
m Whenever I see a group of people talking business in a fast food restaurant, I assume the business is a pyramid scheme. CRACKED COM
CRACKED CON When I see a flag on a house, my mind doesn't go to patriot, but to right-wing nationalist.
I judge the crap out of you if you shove a phone in front of your kid's face at the first sign of boredom. I just figure you're lazy and can't be both
judge the hell out of people who carry their dog in a purse. I automatically think they're selfish and stupid dogs love walks. CRACKED COM
If someone makes a point of telling me they were the class clown, PFFFFFFFF! I not only assume they are unfunny, but probably the biggest jerk in the
When someone tells me black is their favorite color... I'm 70% sure there's a psychologically dark reason that even they don't realize. CRACKED
If you leave unused time on the microwave, I immediately assume you're a selfish quitter. 342 ee ire 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 O Because you obviously don't f
If every conversation I have with YOU goes like this... DG--4V0- Have you seen yet?! 1 Thio You MURER Swld Lese MYSTE
When I see someone with their shoe untied, I always think they don't have their S s**t together. CRACKED COM
When people talkabout Myers-Briggs scores, CRAGN value authenticity PERSUASIVE energetic Creative zest for ENFP life LIVELY restless inspire leadershi
If you are a guy hanging out at the park... I will definitely think you are a pervert. ORAGKED.OON
Whenever I'm introduced to someone and they ask me to follow them on Instagram, I immediately assume they're obnoxious and selfish, and I try my best
I raise my eyebrows at people who put their windshield wipers on the highest speed when there's just light rain. Even though their choice of wiper spe
CRACKED.CON If you don't make eye contact with me, 0 assume youfre lying or have something to hide.
NDAOT When someone tells me they can't enjoy a movie shot in black and white, CASABIANGCA I always jump to the conclusion they have a low IQ.
If you don't like cats, am going to assume you have major control issues. CRACKEDCON
CRACKED COM I often (unfairly) assume people who use essential oils are in the same camp with conspiracy theorists and anti-vaxxers.
I relentlessly judge people based on what they wear on game shows. $69,114 $3.800 $3.000 dAME Hannah Lorelle It's the one time they'll be on TV in th
When I see someone has liked their own Facebook or Twitter post, I conclude that he/she is a self-congratulatingjerk.
CRACKEDco CON Someone's sniffling a lot? Perhapstheyhaveareallybadeold a andaHt blowing -tHEIF osE untiHit's ELEAN' wiIHaeeomplishis-asore:t a foSE.
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?