Sex Myths You've Probably Believed Your Entire Life
Many of us are dummies when it comes to the world of sex.
It's easy to understand why so many of us are dummies when it comes to sex. Most of what we learned came from locker rooms, older siblings, and magazines written by idiots. Those growing up with internet access aren't faring much better, since now all those dummies can spread myths to thousands by just clicking "send." So allow us to drop some true sex knowledge on you.
An entire multi-million-dollar industry says you can skip all that boring foreplay as long as you're willing to gulp down Spanish Fly or some other weird concoction. But according to the FDA, there is literally no such thing as an aphrodisiac. We have treatments for sexual dysfunction, but sexual desire is different, and nothing you consume increases it. Chocolate, one of the most popular pseudo-aphrodisiacs, doesn't even work as a particularly good placebo. And Spanish Fly, in addition to being ineffective, can permanently damage your urinary system.
"Double bagging" is the practice of using two condoms simultaneously. It sounds like a way to be extra safe, because twice the latex means twice the protection, right? In reality, it's riskier than using just one. Condoms are designed to make contact with genitals directly, not to touch rubber. Wear two condoms, and they may tear each other. If you really want peace of mind, just use one extra-thick condom.
For many kids raised in the cloistered confines of suburbia, college represents the first real chance for freedom, which means sexual experimentation. The term "lesbian until graduation" didn't earn its own Wikipedia entry for nothing. And yet when the CDC did a study on 10,000 women, they found that those with bachelor's degrees were actually less likely to have dipped their toe in lady sex than women who did not graduate from high school.
You can't have sex while on your period, says conventional wisdom. But there's nothing backing up that belief. In fact, sex can alleviate the more uncomfortable symptoms of the menstrual cycle, because the contractions that accompany orgasms can counteract the feelings you get from cramps. Plus, your sexual organs tend to be more sensitive during your period, which makes sex even better than normal. Just make sure your partner knows beforehand and can prepare accordingly.
Our general conception of the sex other people are having is "a lot." Over the course of "Seinfeld," for example, George Costanza enters relationships with 43 different women, and he's supposed to be a loser schlub. The reality? Men report an average of six to eight lifetime sex partners, while women report an average of four. Even taking into account that, mathematically, some of those surveyed must be lying, that still leaves far fewer partners that one might think.
The usual story we're told about casual sex is that it's fun but unfulfilling. When we wake up, we're torn apart with regret, sorrow, and other dramatic words. But the reality is that surveyed respondents actually feel damn good after casual sexy times. Why? Sleeping with someone new is exciting, and excitement usually outweighs regret, sorrow, or angst. Basically, it's like doing anything else with someone new.
Having sex with your cousin results in a dimwitted child sporting extra appendages, according to popular belief. We might not completely understand the science, but we're all sure that something makes the chromosomes go all screwy. In reality, having a cousin as your sexual partner does increase the risk of birth defects by 2 to 3 percent, but that's it. In fact, one Rutgers anthropology professor estimates that 80 percent of every single married couple in human history were second cousins or more closely related.
Girls dread their first sexual experience because it's considered less winning the lottery and more getting repeatedly stabbed in the groin with a fleshy harpoon. In reality, the idea that the hymen has to be forcibly broken during a girl's first time is complete nonsense. The hymen isn't a barrier that gets ripped open, and it has generally dissolved before a woman's first time having sex. If sex is uncomfortable, it's probably a physiological response to anxiety, making this myth a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Long ago this myth ran the other way, and cohabitation before marriage was considered living in sin. But today it's generally agreed that a couple should move in together before getting engaged, so that they know if they're compatible before marriage. But statistics show that couples who lived together before they were engaged have a higher divorce rate and lower marital satisfaction than those who waited until they were married, or at least engaged, to shack up.
Everyone knows that having sex before an athletic event can disrupt your performance. It's been a prevailing theory in professional sports for generations. It comes up in "Rocky" and "Raging Bull," and even the great Muhammad Ali refused to have sex for six weeks before a fight. But in reality, sex leaves you no less energized the following day. In fact, in men, it leads to a spike in testosterone. So if anything, sex actually makes a man more competitive and aggressive.
Sperm are hardier than the fragile balls that birth them. They can stay alive and viable for days after ejaculation, watching and waiting for their opportunity to make a happy accident. Sperm have been found to survive longer than a week in the reproductive tract. If you have sex at all in the seven days leading up to ovulation, some of that sperm could be making its way up the Fallopian tubes just in time for a new egg to pop in.
You may have heard that men hit their "sexual peak" in their teens or early 20s, while women get theirs a decade or more after that. The basis for that belief is that men usually have the most testosterone at that age, while women have their highest levels of estrogen later. But while a shortage of those hormones is going to impede having sex, that doesn't mean extra hormones will give you the best sex ever. Male or female, your sexual peak will be after you've had some experience.
We're told that the lives of the young and single are full of awesome hookups, but then sex dies with marriage. And it only gets worse with time—as you hit your golden years, sex becomes a dusty, ancient memory. The reality is very different. More than 50 percent of young single people report having had no sex in the past year, while over 50 percent of young married couples report having sex two or three times per week. As for senior citizens, over 75 percent report still being sexually active, and a current epidemic of STDs among the elderly seems to back this up.
All kinds of ads use sex, because arousing us is a great way to get us to watch something. But watching isn't the same as buying. Studies show that less than 10 percent of men who were exposed to sexual advertising could even recall the actual brand the ad was for. And that's men, who are supposed to be brainwashed by anything titillating, including the word "titillating." For women, sexual advertising cut brand recall in half.
Unless you're older and have pushed out a handful of children, there's absolutely no such thing as a loose vagina, and it certainly isn't caused by having tons of sex. The vaginal muscles are relatively similar to the muscles in your mouth, which means it will not lose its shape from frequent sex any more than your mouth will deform from eating too many double cheeseburgers. If a vagina is unusually tight during sex, that's down to a lack of arousal, not some permanent characteristic.
The most commonly shared statistic about condoms is that they're 97 percent effective. That's technically true, but only if they're used perfectly. That means examining the reservoir tip before using it, squeezing the tip before putting it on, applying water-based lube, and removing it while the penis is still erect. Many people don't use condoms perfectly, which is why the overall failure rate is 18 percent, six times the advertised one. (You should still use condoms, though. Just know what you're in for.)
The pullout method (withdrawing the penis from the vagina before ejaculation) is generally considered a silly type of birth control, employed by people who stubbornly refuse to use condoms because they hate science or something. But when used properly, this method is actually 96 percent effective, nearly as good as condoms. Even used imperfectly, it's 82 percent effective, which is about the same success rate as condoms used imperfectly.
Sex between two women involves a lot less exchange of body fluids than sex between a man and a woman or between two men. As a result, many people think STDs aren't really an issue when it comes to lesbian sex. But while lesbians are less likely to get gonorrhea and HIV, they're just as susceptible to the vast majority of STDs. And there are even certain infections, such as bacterial vaginosis, that women who have sex with women are more likely to get.
In sex ed, we're taught than boys should be prepared for their first wet dream, while girls should be prepared for their first period. This is misleading in a couple of ways. In reality, women seem to have sex dreams (and orgasms while asleep) as often as males do, even if they don't leave quite as much physical evidence. Plus, wet dreams in general aren't as common as you might think. Many men never have them. They're really in no way analogous to menstruation.
A larger penis does not automatically mean more satisfying sex. While some no doubt prefer the look or feel of a large penis, the basic assumption about how size works—a larger penis stimulates more—is provably false. The closest we've come to finding out what triggers an orgasm during vaginal penetration is stimulation of the G-spot, and the G-spot is accessible only a couple inches in. A longer penis actually stimulates the G-spot less, because the head ends up further in.
Most people think the clitoris is a tiny nub. In reality, the visible part is just a small section of the clitoris, which is a much larger organ. The clitoris is mostly internal, and can be around 10 centimeters long. Inside the body, it forms a fork split into two legs, called "crura." The whole organ is very similar to the penis, made up of the same sort of erectile tissue. The entire thing is rarely ever shown in diagrams of female anatomy.
