15 Emo Millennial Laments from Dignified Historical Figures

Emotions are like non-sequiturs: Sometimes you’re trying to come up with an analogy, but then holy smokes why do we feel so sad. And this is all normal. After all, if the current age has taught us anything, it is that those who claim to be all about “facts and logic” are the most emotional. So yeah, we’re all little softbois. Except some of us have the class to play some classic emo-punk out loud, while others whine only to then have internet writers giggle at their whining.

In this Pictofact, then, we giggle at 15 emo millennial laments of dignified historical figures. Because one would think “historical figure” means gigantic achievements, solemn speeches, and profound reflections on the human experience. And it does. Sometimes. Other times, it means self-pitying, self-loathing, and just sheer complaining — the sort of emotional fragility of early 2000s emo kids on Tumblr with that goofy Peter-Parker-in-Spider-Man-3 hair and awful, awful music. Plus, we all know the only person who could ever make the “poor, poor pitiful me” attitude cool was Warren Zevon. That’s just facts and logic.