10 Things That Will Definitely Not Happen This Halloween
Halloween is that time of year when the gateway between our world and the spirit dimension is at its thinnest, allowing nightmares to come to life and ghouls freedom to torment the living.
It’s truly an unpredictable time, but there are still some universal constants that do not change no matter how many doorways into the dark underworld are opened. For one, your costume ideas are too obtuse and layered in obscure references that only work in your head. Secondly, face paint is fun when you’re 6-years-old and don’t have to wash your own sheets but gets significantly more annoying when you have work in the morning. And not least of all, your pets do not appreciate the hairless ape that has imprisoned them to parade them around, dressed as embarrassingly as possible.
Stay safe this holiday and remember these rules when that voice in your head starts to lie to you and fill you with unrealistic expectations.
D.A.R.E. lied, no one is giving out free drugs
No one wants to have to think when they see a costume
Our pets want their clothes off just as much as we want ours
Craven kids crave candy
Not every song is "Thriller"
Face paint is a face pain
Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight
The patch is empty
Pumpkins have been replaced with holly
The magic is gone
