25 Of The Absolute Nuttiest News Stories That Left Us In Awe

Madonna does not appreciate people criticizing her NFT where she gives birth to centipedes.
25 Of The Absolute Nuttiest News Stories That Left Us In Awe

The god of light is a young and powerful god who has been granted much power by the other gods. He wants to be in charge of everything but his younger, weaker brother wants that same power for himself. This rivalry has led to the creation of an elaborate system of checks and balances, including a set of rules called the Law of the Strongest. The Law requires each god to fight with his or her brothers and sisters whenever they try to take more power than their allotted amount, and unless two gods have equal power, the winner gets to take the loser captive. The gods are allowed to make up any rules as long as these two are followed.

The ultimate weapon? The god of darkness had an idea for that. Following the original rules, the god of darkness made it so that, in any fight, victory would go to the first god who can recite a specific list of facts – one that he himself could recite by command, as it happens. That list went …

A raccoon was caught at a baseball game.

An Arkansas baseball fan caught a raccoon in the stands. GRACKED COM Grant Harmon witnessed the crafty critter scurrying through the stands in left field and, in a moment of either bravery or stupidity, reached out and nabbed it with his bare hands.

SW Times

The police were called on a coffee bar for the price of decaf espresso.

A Florence coffee bar customer called the police over the price of espresso. GRACKED COM The man was charged $2.12 for a cup of decaf, and phoned the police. The competition winning cof- fee bar was fined $1,056 for not displaying the price behind the counter.

The Guardian

A baby was born during a Metallica concert.

A woman gave birth during the encore at a Metallica concert. CRACKED.COM The 39-week-pregnant fan went into labor at the con- cert in Brazil during, ар- propriately, 'Enter Sand- man.' Frontman James Hetfield called the new parents to congratulate them after hearing the

Loudwire

Marjorie Taylor Greene says being a mother is a choice.

Pro-life advocate Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene called becoming a mother the greatest choice a woman can make. CRACKED.COM That choice doesn't extend to abortion rights, apparent- ly, as during the speech where that quote is taken, Greene clarifies that should a woman not want to become a mother then they need to avoid sex altogether.

Snopes

A rare monkey hybrid highlights habitat loss.

Scientists are worried about a rare hybrid monkey spotted in Borneo. CRACKED.COM The hybrid, born from a fe- male silvered leaf monkey and male proboscis mon- key, is the result of severe habitat loss, fragmentation and degradation caused by expanding palm oil planta- tions.

Science News

A very peculiar ax was found in someone’s front yard.

A Kansas man discovered an ах with a root for a handle in his front yard. CRACKED.COM The man, being a huge 'Lord of the Rings' fan and avid 'Elder Scrolls: Skyrim' and 'Oblivion' player was stoked to find the ах, which had been buried long enough for tree roots to grow through the head.

NPR

A security guard sprung three teens from juvie.

A Louisiana security guard helped 3 incarcerated teens escape, and now all of them are missing. SECURITY CRACKED.COM The 21-year-old securi- ty guard was seen on video taking the trio, in their orange jump- suits, off the premises in a white 2010 Ponti- ac G6.

CBS News

Dozens of twins are graduating in one school district.

35 sets of twins are graduating in one Texas school district. NASA SCOTT KELLY 25 GRACKED.COM The 33 sets of twins - and one set of triplets - from the Mansfield Independent School District got to be a part of a unique photo ор- portunity before they said a final goodbye to high school.

USA Today

A university student in Iraq was suspended for beheading a pigeon.

An Iraqi university expelled one student for beheading a pigeon. CRACKED.COM The second-year accounting student was suspended for the rest of the academic year after luring a pigeon with food and then behead- ing it and throwing its body into the campus garden.

Alaraby

A Florida woman used a fake snake to try and escape police.

A Florida woman ends a car chase by throwing a fake snake to evade traffic cops. CRACKED.COM Dawn LaShawn Laprade in- tentionally hit one of the Sheriff's Office vehicles as she tried to evade a traffic stop, leading police on a 100mph chase, hitting more cars, and finally chucking a rubber snake at the officers.

Click Orlando

Dating women is gay, says white nationalist incel livestreamer.

White supremacist Nick Fuentes defends being an incel, calling having sex with women gay. CRACKED.COM The white nationalist lives- treamer complained about people calling me gay be- cause I've never had a girl- friend...Honestly, dating women is gay. The only really straight, heterosexual posi- tion is to be an asexual incel.

Raw Story

An officer pleaded guilty to motorboating a subordinate.

A National Guard Officer motorboated a subordinate at a promotion ceremony. CRACKED.COM Capt. Billy Joe Crosby Jr. was initially charged with abusive sexual contact, but made a deal to plead guilty to assault consum- mated by battery, allowing him to collect his retire- ment.

Army Times

A man is celebrating 50 years of daily Big Macs.

A man ate a Big Mac every day and is not only alive but celebrating 50 years of the habit. CRACKED.COM Donald Gorske calls the burger best sandwich in the world, and actually sometimes has more than one a day - meaning he gets 110% of his daily rec- ommended saturated fat as efficiently as possible.

GWR

A man took a nap on a shipwreck and, surprise, woke up surrounded by water.

A man was stranded on a shipwreck after he woke up from a nap after high tide. CRACKED.COM The man, estimated to be in his mid-60s, walked out during low tide to the ship- wreck off a Californian pier, took a nap, and woke up surrounded by water. Не did not know how to swim

San Luis Obispo

Naughty women need to stay home and wait for human rights, says Taliban.

The Taliban promises good news for women's rights is coming soon, but 'naughty women' should stay home. CRACKED COM When asked about Afghan women who say they are afraid to leave their homes under Taliban rule, Afghan- istan's acting interior min- ister added with a laugh: We keep naughty women at home.

CNN

Satanists want to use a council chamber prayer room.

Interests from Satanists is making Gold Coast Mayor Tom Tate regret his prayer room. CRACKED.COM Tate says he should have thought twice before con- verting a disused office at council chambers into a prayer room, following at- tempts by a group of sa- tanists to use it for a blessing.

ABC

Madonna does not appreciate anyone criticizing her centipede vagina NFT.

'A lot of thought' went into fully nude NFTs of Madonna giving birth to centipedes. CRACKED.COM According to Madonna, the Mother of Creation se- ries, which was made from real scans of her vagina, connects the ways people create life to the way they create art (and centipedes, we guess).

Al

A 911 operator hung up on people calling during a mass shooting.

Mass shooting survivors say that 911 hung up on them during their distressed phone call. 911 CRACKED.COM A Tops assistant manager who called emergency ser- vices during the fatal Buf- falo shooting says the 911 operator that answered had an attitude and ulti- mately hung up in her face.

BinNews

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