15 Beguiling Facts About Computers, Junk Food, And Letting The Spiders Take Over
I've always been a little different than everyone else I know. My father was an engineer for the railroad and my mom worked part time in a department store. We lived in a small apartment on a street that had lots of trees around it; I used to like going outside with my dog when we could go out without being noticed by our neighbors.
My mother's favorite flower was the daffodil, and she liked the smell of orange blossoms. When my mom was at home with me, sometimes we'd sit together at night and listen to the radio, but I didn't know how to talk back yet. She would sing to me when she thought nobody else could hear, and sometimes her songs sounded sad. One thing that made me happy is when the mail carrier came by. I would run out to see what kind of mail he brought, and sometimes there was money in the mail, which made me feel very important and grown up, because you could buy candy with money.
One day, we got a letter the likes of which I'd never seen before. It was addressed to me, and it was just a list of fifteen facts. It went:
The stinkiest chemical in existence will knock you out.
Rubber bullets are not supposed to be fired directly at someone.
God has nothing on Spielberg.
Banner ads just add to web page noise we ignore.
It’s the spiders’ house now.
Mel Blanc read his “Flintstones” lines in a full body cast.
Some dudes ruined the endless burgers at In-N-Out.
There’s no junk food in Vanuatu.
The bottom % does 45% of the work.
God bless you!
The Forbidden City is earthquake proof without a single nail.
Penn doesn’t have much to talk about with Teller.
Boo-boos come from the bubonic plague.
A self-fulfilling prophecy.
You don’t erase ink with the blue eraser.
