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15 Things No Person Should Go One Second Longer Without Knowing

April 21, 2022

"It is a curious thing. I was in love once, and it was very serious for some months, and the woman herself was really very good-looking and charming—a great lady of fashion in New York City."

"She was beautiful," confirmed the other man, as they sat at breakfast one morning. "I remember her. And yet she wasn't beautiful in that sense; there was nothing of the fairy-tale about her. She had an air about her that made one feel that if the gods themselves were looking on us mortals, it wouldn't be difficult to win their admiration."

"Yes ... and do you know why she left me? Have I ever told you?"

"I don't think so ... why?"

"She complained I never do anything for her, so I decided to write down a list of fifteen facts I knew. And she left me in disgust."

"Really?"

"Yes. Do you want to hear the facts?"

"Oh ... go on, then."

15

One scholastic esports company is trying to strong-arm schools into paying them.

PlayVS is making students pay $64 a season for free-to-play games. They've also sent cease and desist letters to the Washington State Scholastic Esports Association, falsely claiming they had exclusive contracts with big games like Mario Kart. CRACKED.COM — PlayVS Bullies Schools Into Paying for Esports Programs

14

Marc Maron and Jon Stewart are still beefing to this day.

Marc Maron saw Jon Stewart as everything he could have been when they were both coming up. Maron admits to being a dick to Stewart, the other smart Jewish guy that was inexplicably better at getting his career to where it needed to be. Stewart denied Maron's request to be on his podcast. CRACKED.COM — 10 Comedian Beefs That Aren't For The Undercard

13

Finally, the Jesus VR game is being resurrected.

There is a VR game coming out where you play Jesus Christ doing miracles and stuff. 'I am Jesus Christ' released an announcement trailer years ago, but actual gameplay footage was finally revealed. One game mechanic involves the player (Jesus) fighting viruses inside of people with his bare hands. CRACKED.COM — Controversial Bible VR Game 'I Am Jesus Christ' Debuts Gameplay In Time For Easter

12

Gamers hate physical activity so much, they don’t even like to do it in their games.

'Metal Gear Solid 3' speedrunners have finally defeated the final boss after 20 years: a ladder: One ladder in the game has hindered speedruns of MGS, but finally gamers have found a way around it by glitching a T-posing Snake up the wall and to the very end almost instantaneously. CRACKED.COM — 'Metal Gear Solid 3' Has Been Completely Destroyed By Speedrunners

11

Dwight Schrute wrote a blog while ‘The Office’ aired.

The fictional characters of 'The Office' had real blogs to attract and interact with new viewers: Rainn Wilson himself wrote the first blog entries on Schrute-Space, using the set's networked computers to amuse his 'Office' co-workers, prompting NBC to expand the idea with other characters. CRACKED.COM — 'The Office' Once Had Blogs, And They Were Killer

10

The 997, Johnny Depp ‘Hulk’ movie sounds bonkers.

Universal Pictures wanted Johnny Depp to star in a Hulk movie around 1997. The film would have Depp's Bruce Banner trying to mutate prisoners to be able to withstand conditions on Mars, ultimately mutating himself in the process and doing battle with the gamma insect monsters he created. CRACKED.COM — Johnny Depp Almost Starred In An Awful '90s 'Hulk' Movie

9

A holy relic may or may not have been just destroyed.

A Russian ship that was sunk by Ukraine may have been carrying a piece of the Holy Cross. A news report from early 2020 was found talking about a very tiny piece of wood that is said to be a fragment from the cross, which was supposed to have been brought aboard the same ship that Ukraine just sank. CRACKED.COM — Ukraine May Have Sunk A Russian Ship Carrying A Piece Of Jesus' Cross

8

HBO head of Product Experience knows HBO Max isn’t good.

Even HBO knows how much their HBO Max app sucks. HB Instead of creating an all-new platform, HBO took from whatever they already had lying around, which happened to be the HBO Go and HBO Now apps - neither set up to do what they wanted from HBO Max. CRACKED.COM — Yes, HBO Max Knows Their App Sucks (And Want To Fix It)

7

Patrick Stewart is up for almost anything on American Dad.

Patrick Stewart refused to read a line as his character, Avery Bullock, on American Dad. Stewart is apparently very open to playing ball when it comes to the jokes his character will say, however, at one point he did refuse to deliver a joke that heavily implied Avery was a pedophile. CRACKED.COM — American Dad: 15 Behind-The-Scenes Facts

6

North Korea hacked an online, “NFT” Pokemon ripoff.

North Korea may have been responsible for the $600 million hack of a crypto-based, NFT game: The US treasury claims that North Korean state-sponsored hackers Lazarus Group is behind the attack on Axie Infinity, and the game creators say it could take years to recover the money. CRACKED.COM — Plot Twist: North Korea Might Have Pulled The $600 Million 'Axie Infinity' NFT Heist

5

McDonald’s had a ridiculously tone deaf “resource” for workers.

McDonald's suggested its low-wage earning workers take smaller bites of food to feel more full: McDonald's RESTAURANT LOVIN IS GREATER THAN WATIN McDonald's The employee website offered other resources, such as to quit complaining to reduce stress and a sample budget that assumed employees worked 70 hours a week and paid $600 in rent. CRACKED.COM — 15 Impressively Evil Things McDonald's Has Done

4

Jesus may have been an actual wizard, wand and all.

In early Christian art, Jesus was often depicted with a wand when performing miracles: Art showed Jesus wielding a magic wand when performing miracles, such as when multiplying the loaves or using a wizard's staff to resurrect Lazarus. CRACKED.COM — Jesus Was The OG Wizard

3

The Muppet Babies show introduced Scooter’s twin sister, and she was never seen again.

The Muppet Babies show introduced Scooter's twin sister, and she was never seen again. MUPPET BABICS None of the Muppet creators seem to have offered a conclusive answer when asked what happened to Skeeter, and whether or not it was the result of foul play. CRACKED.COM — Skeeter From The Muppets Disappeared And No One Knows Why

2

Darryl from The Office was a teacher.

Craig Robinson was a music teacher before he was famous. Robinson got his Master's in Education at Saint Xavier University and went on to be a music teacher in the Chicago Public School System for a few years after graduating. CRACKED.COM — 15 Craig Robinson Now-You-Know Facts Before You Watch His New Show

1

A remake of a two decade old game somehow runs worse now.

The 'Chrono Cross' remake that was just released runs worse than the 23 year old version. Attack Serge Kid Mel The PS5 remake runs not just marginally slower, but exactly one-third slower, an embarrassing result for a console that's probably a million times more powerful than the original Playstation. CRACKED.COM — The 'Chrono Cross' Remake Runs Worse Than The PS1 Version

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