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Pimp My Brand: 12 Examples of the Inexplicable Corporate Merch Trend

Here are 12 ways we pay companies for the privilege of being walking billboards.

April 03, 2021

Companies used to beg us to carry around their branded gear -- free convention swag, anyone? -- but something in the culture has shifted. Suddenly, McRib jogging shorts are a status symbol, not a hokey giveaway. Here are 12 examples of ridiculous (and ridiculously expensive) corporate merch.

12

Travis Scott

TRAVIS SCOTTX MCDONALDS wants a hug There's probably no better example of the corporate swag phenomenon than the unholy marriage of McDonalds and Travis scott. Not sure what scott has to do with this McNugget Body Pillow, but his name's on it and it's selling for $150. Welp. — Stock X

11

Tesla

TESLA says let's do tequila shots Featuring a dry fruit and light vanilla nose with a balanced cinnamon pepper finish, enjoy TESLA tequila powered by QUILA : the sun and AEA cocaine. Better hope Elon Musk is buying because this sold-out bottle goes for $250 a pop. CRACKED.COM — Tesla

10

STOUFFER'S wants to see you sweat If the Thing from the Fantastic Four were made of mac & cheese, he might look like this $95 (!) sweatsuit. Relaxed fit that's 70% polyester, 30% lactose. — Stouffers

9

Taco Bell

TACO BELL covers your down there with salsa Why spend $20 on a bikini at Target when you can get one with Fire Sauce packets for triple the cost? This is how Taco Bell thinks outside the buns. — Dude I Want That

8

ARIZONA ICED TEA wants to ruin your street cred aOa: Green wth tHGINSE ndHONEY Te Hit the gnarly rails and stairs like a pro, writes an Arizona marketing drone in a desperate attempt to regain his son's love. It's all about good vibes and a great skate when you're — Drink AriZona

7

PLANTERS salts your shoes ERS For some reason, a new pair of Planters Crunch Force 1s costs $120 but used shoes are $232. Don't believe the rumor that each pair contains one drop of Mr. Peanut's blood. — GOAT

6

KFC is fire NFIC ol NERES SPICES FIRELOG SMELLS LIKE ERED CHICKEN ARC FIRELOG nEERE SPICES SHELLS LIKE FRIEO CHICKENL It's the best way to fill your house with the aroma of 11 secret herbs and spices without getting to eat any damn chicken. — Penn Live

5

BURGER KING makes you smell flame-broiled This $42 scent, available only in Japan, entices lovers with eau de Whopper. According to a reviewer, it smells like the burnt-rubber skidmarks left by a MacBook- carrying courier scooter after it crashed into a bacon salt factory. — The Verge

4

Peloton

PELOTON is changing the way we carry food on a stationary bike This $150 branded tote is made to show off at the gym-- but isn't not going to the gym the point of buying a Peloton? — Peloton

3

WENDYS wants you to roleplay as a burger FEAST of LEGENDS Queen Wendy of Freshtovia invites you to throw your 12-sided die and win the battle against frozen beef of the Clown Republic. God help us, this one inspired fan art. — Gigazine

2

DUNKIN' DONUTS joggers are being resold for 100 bucks OKA Act fast when Dunkin' drops its limited-edition holiday merch because they tend to go faster than a box of Munchkins. Especially among people who would otherwise never dream of dressing in orange and pink. Caution: Shows coffee stains. — eBay

1

CHIPOTLE turned a bag into a burrito It's the $45 gym tote that makes everyone wonder Did that dude wrap his basketball shorts in tin foil? — Chipotle

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