36 of the Best Jokes, Segments and Recurring Gags in the History of Late Night

Boy do we miss that Walker Texas Ranger Lever
36 of the Best Jokes, Segments and Recurring Gags in the History of Late Night

Yes, enjoying these made us a little groggy at school or work the next morning, but as you’ll soon see, it was all totally worth it. While we were dying laughing at these amazing late-night bits, we couldn’t have cared less. That sleepiness was a problem for tomorrow us. 

Today us had a drink in one hand, and salty or sweet crumbs sliding down our shirts from all the belly laughs.

Carnac the Magnificent

Recurring at Late Night Johnny Carson's Carnac the Magnificent On August 5, 1981, Tonight Show host Johnny Carson debuted his iconic segment, Carnac the Magnificent. The hat and cape sell the mystical powers, and the jokes are legendary. CRACKED

Jimmy Fallon (Again)

CRACKED Health inspectors will give New York street food vendors letter grades, so if you see a streetcar with the letters A, в or C, that's just the type of hepatitis you'll get. JIMMY FALLON

Masturbating Bear

Recurring at Late Night Conan's Masturbating Bear One of the longest running gags on Conan's Late Night, the Masturbating Bear was created by Brian Reich and performed by Michael Gordon. Check out Who Wants to Marry the Masturbating Bear? CRACKED

Samantha Bee

CRACKED Right now I'm actually picturing some guy saying, Uh, what am I supposed to do? Stop asking women out at work because it makes them uncomfortable? Yes, you are at work. SAMANTHA BEE

Graham Norton

Recurring at Late Night granam norton show Graham Norton's Red Chair On The Graham Norton Show, a segment called That's All We've Got Time For has an audience member sit in a red chair and tell an interesting story. If they bore Graham for even a moment, he pulls the lever and the chair flops them away. CRACKED

Stephen Colbert (Again)

CRACKED This is Putin's highest margin of victory yet - it's really impressive. Though I'm starting to think he might have had help from the Russians. STEPHEN COLBERT

Seth Meyers

CRACKED A new poll has found that a majority of Americans believe the government is spying on them. 'No, we're not,' said your microwave SETH MEYERS

Jon Stewart

CRACKED One of the guys in the locker room, at the behest of Tom Brady, calls himself The Deflator! What was the other guy's nickname, Joey Cheats-At-Football? JON STEWART

Chaos on Bullshit Mountain

Recurring at Late Night John Stewart's Chaos on Bullshit Mountain Stewart's run on The Daily Show featured the hilarious segment Chaos on Bullshit Mountain, where he tore apart the ridiculousness spewed on Fox News. CHAOS ON BULLS#%T MOUNTAIN CRACKED

Clueless Gamer

Recurring at Late Night Conan O'Brien's Clueles Gamer Since the dawn of YouTube, competent gamers make millions by sharing their tips and secrets. A clueless Conan bumbles through games, making us laugh and reminding us that THEY'RE JUST VIDEO GAMES! CRACKED

Chelsea Handler

CRACKED I'm dating a Keurig machine - he's strong, hot, and never drips without permission first. Make sure you don't order the Louis С.К. model because that one thinks it can show you its K-Cup whenever it wants. CHELSEA HANDLER

Jaywalking

Recurring at Late Night Jaywalking During Jay Leno's tenure on The Tonight Show, Jay hit the streets, asked people simple questions, and got some ridiculously dumb answers. Fan-favorite interviewees Kip & Kim got their own recurring segment, What Would Kip & Kim Do? CRACKED

The Walker Texas Ranger Lever

Recurring at Late Night Conan's Walker Texas Ranger Lever When NBC acquired the rights to Walker Texas Ranger, Conan pounced. Out of nowhere, he'd pull a lever which showed a Walker clip out of context. The pinnacle was a clip of Haley Joel Osment saying, Walker told me I have A.I.D.S. CRACKED

Amber Ruffin

CRACKED Following the January 6th Capitol attack, authorities have arrested more than 840 defendants. Incidentally, '840 defendants' is also the technical term for the Catholic church. AMBER RUFFIN

Michelle Wolf

CRACKED If Trump and Kim Jong Un wanted to hug, how would that even work? Have you seen how their bodies are shaped? They both have that same gut that sticks like a foot out in front of them. They'd have to reach around like they're holding a giant bucket. MICHELLE WOLF

Top Ten Lists

Recurring at Late Night David Letterman's Top Ten Lists First airing on September 18, 1985, former head writer Steve O'Donnell credits Jim Downey for writing beautifully stylized lists. Letterman's last show on May 20, 2015 had show regulars reveal Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted To Say To Dave. CRACKED

Hasan Minhaj

CRACKED Student loan debt. It affects pretty much everyone I know, and if you're one of the ten people it doesn't affect, congratulations on being a Kennedy. HASAN MINHAJ

Conan

CRACKED At a theme park in California, a man has been arrested because he hopped a fence, entered an animal exhibit, and punched a camel in the face. When asked why, the man just glared at the camel and said: 'He knows why.' CONAN O'BRIEN

The Great Carsoni

Recurring at Late Night Johnny Carson featured a ton of magicians Originally wanting to be a magician, his first performance was as The Great Carsoni at age 14. Не used the show to feature dozens of magicians, and show off his own talents. CRACKED

The Leno-Letterman Feud

CRACKED It's Jay Leno's last week ... and also the start of the Winter Olympics. Two things that happen every four years. DAVID LETTERMAN

Larry Wilmore

CRACKED I just went through my first winter here in New York. A little cold for my taste but finally it's starting to warm up. Only two months until the city starts to smell like a hot diaper. LARRY WILMORE

How Is This Still A Thing?

Recurring at Late Night John Oliver's How is this still a thing? On Last Week Tonight, Oliver perfectly satirizes outdated traditions like daylight savings time or halloween costumes of other races by showing us just how ridiculous they are. HOW IS THIS STILL A THING CRACKED

John Oliver

CRACKED I took a tip from your history books, and, the day after election day, I got a truckload of Dr. Pepper and just drove it straight into Boston Harbor. See how you like your favorite beverage being drowned. JOHN OLIVER

Jimmy Kimmel

CRACKED Tucker Carlson has been fired by Fox, CNN, MSNBC and PBS. That's like the EGOT of cable news. JIMMY KIMMEL

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Recurring at Late Night Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Created, puppeteered, and voiced by Robert Smigel, Triumph first appeared in 1997on Late Night, and followed Conan to The Tonight Show and his TBS show. Не was nominated for a Best Comedy Album Grammy in 2005. CRACKED

Jordan Klepper

CRACKED Last week, we learned that Clarence Thomas had secretly accepted luxury trips from right-wing billionaire Harlan Crow. And that's his actual name, not his Game of Thrones cosplay character. JORDAN KLEPPER

Trevor Noah

CRACKED As you probably know by now, Democrats took control of the House of Representatives for the first time in eight years! That's right, eight years. You realize, the last time the Democrats had this much power in Congress, there were only two Transformer movies and Harvey Weinstein only looked like a creep. TREVOR NOAH

Mean Tweets

Recurring at Late Night Jimmy Kimmel's Mean Tweets A staple of Jimmy Kimmel Live, Mean Tweets first aired in March 2012 and featured Will Ferrell on the toilet. It has featured the biggest celebrities, sports figures, and even President Obama. @BelmarCPA Will Ferrell is overrated. Sorry, but he jus CRACKED

Jimmy Fallon

CRACKED I read that an Arizona woman is accused of sending a man more than 159,000 texts after they went on one date. When asked why she did it, the woman was like, 'Why, did he ask about me?' JIMMY FALLON

James Corden

CRACKED is now fifth in line to the British throne - right behind Harry Styles. But ahead of me, which is annoying. JAMES CORDEN

Wally the Cue Card Guy

Recurring at Late Night Seth Meyers vs. Wally the Cue Card Guy After 30 years of SNL cue cards, Wally Feresten joined Late Night with Seth Myers. Ribbing from Seth snowballed into recurring bits where Wally read creepy poetry or went field reporting. Myers says that fans stop to tell him, We want more Wally! SETH, TO ME you ARE PERFECT! CRACKED

Stephen Colbert

CRACKED It would be what one economist called 'financial Armageddon.' That's bad news and even worse timing because America's already scheduled a plague Armageddon, a climate Armageddon and a democracy Armageddon. STEPHEN COLBERT

Craig Ferguson

CRACKED The Price Is Right and my penis are very different, of course! One's been around for over 50 years but Drew Carey made it bigger than ever... CRAIG FERGUSON

Paul Rudd’s ‘Mac and Me’ Conan Bit

Recurring at Late Night Paul Rudd shows clips from Mac and Me. Rudd's appearances on Conan's shows involve showing the same clip from the 1988 E.T. rip- off. A spoof on actors promoting their work, it first aired on February 6, 2004, where he said he brought a clip of the Friends finale. CRACKED

David Letterman

CRACKED Robbers broke into the Gap over the weekend. The suspects are described as being armed and casual. DAVID LETTERMAN

Conan O’Brien’s Final ‘Tonight Show’ Monologue

CRACKED Hosting The Tonight Show has been the fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me-and I just want to say to all the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. CONAN O'BRIEN

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