40 Conspiracies, Myths and Legends You Need to Pressure Wash Out of Your Brain Immediately

Calm down, Uncle Jerry. Bill Gates isn’t making fake snow
40 Conspiracies, Myths and Legends You Need to Pressure Wash Out of Your Brain Immediately

A good conspiracy theory can get anyone onboard for at least a split-second. Maybe we all want to feel like were in on some dark, lesser-known little tidbit that the sleepwalking “sheeple” cant even wrap their half-empty heads around. 

As they tend to do, split-seconds pass and a very shallow dive into said theory usually debunks it split-seconds later. We have to say, a few of these seem semi-reasonable, so maybe theyll resonate with you, your Uncle Jerry and that one dude whos always kickin around the gas station.

Sharks

Jewish Mind Controlled Sharks! In 2010, a series of shark attacks occurred at the Red Sea resort town Sharm El Sheikh. In an interview with Egyptian news site Ahram Online, South Sinai governor Mohamed Abdel Fadil Shousha speculated that the Mossad was using GPS to mind control the sharks in order to use them as bioweapons to decrease tourism in the region. CRACKED.COM

NASA

The NASA Blue Beam Project According to the late journalist Serge Monast, NASA is planning on projecting giant 3D holograms of religous figures into the atmosphere to initiate a spiritual apocalypse among world religions. CRACKED.COM

The Las Vegas Shooting

Braden Matejka survived getting shot in the head during the Las Vegas shooting, only to have people bombard his social media accounts with conspiracy theories and threats. Oh please. Worst acting I've ever seen in my life. Did his girlfriend learn how to shed a crocodile tear yet? Puke 1 hour ago Like Reply Delete According to them, he's an actor who should be shot in the head for real. CRACKED.COM

Obama Is the Antichrist

At least two people have been arrested on separate occasions for platting or threatening to kill Barack Obama... ...because they thought he was the Antichrist. CRACKED.COM

The Pyramids

Some people believe dinosaurs helped build the pyramids. Even some professionals believe this. According to professor of Egyptology Nabir Al-Sammud, dinosaurs were tamed and trained to carry equipment much like elephants have done. CRACKED.COM

AIDS

AIDS denialism killed over 300,000 people in South Africa between 2000 and 2005. WISE SE WISE our C una Status Jhoh status OSE LIFE CHOOSE LIF CHOOSE You I III The president at the time denied the link between HIV and AIDS and held back donated anti-HIV medication, calling it toxic and a GRACKED.COM plot to weaken his country. His health minister instead recommended herbal remedies to fight against AIDS.

Tupac Shakur

IS TUPAC С SHAKUR CHILLIN' IN MALAYSIA? Suge Knight's son, Suge J. Knight, shared a video on his Instagram page that he claims shows Makaveli very much alive in Malaysia. Knight later claimed the Illuminati had threatened him for sharing the secret (while preemptively denying he was on drugs, of course). CRACKED.COM

Lindsay Lohan

IS LINDSAY LOHAN SECRETLY AN AGENT OF THE TURKISH GOVERNMENT? The actress has shown unusual support for President Erdogan, spreading his government's propaganda and making frequent sponsored С trips to Turkey, many of which coincided with Mike Flynn's visits to the nation. Lohan recently streamed a video where she tried to rescue refugee children in Moscow from their own family, until their mother popped her one. (It isn't clear whether she was on a secret mission or if she's maybe just a little on the nutty side.) CRACKED GOM

Mac Miller

DID MAC MILLER FAKE HIS OWN DEATH so ARIANA GRANDE COULD DUMP THIS GUY? The singer called off her engagement to SNL's Pete Davidson shortly after Miller's passing, leaving one fan to theorize the rapper's death was a hoax orchestrated to give the С heartbroken Grande an easy out. Another popular theory surrounding the breakup is that one day she just woke up and realized he was Pete Davidson and she was Ariana Grande. CRACKED.COM

UFOs

WERE UFOS CAUGHT ON VIDEO BY NUMEROUS PEOPLE IN CHINA? Users on the social media site Weibo posted recordings of a bright swirling light dancing over Beijing and other cities in the region. С Some speculated that the lights were just aliens observing us as always, with others saying they were caused by China testing the super- secret aircraft known as WU-14. Chinese news outlets quickly explained the phenomena away as just the usual condensation trails that planes leave behind (because of course they did). CRACKED.COM

XXXtentacion

IS XXXTENTACION STILL ALIVE? Some of the rapper's fans believe he faked his death, perhaps to get away from unwanted fame or as publicity for a new single. One piece of key evidence is a video clip where x insists, I'm not dead... relax! Which would be pretty convincing if not for С the fact that it's over a year old. CRACKED.COM

Little Caesars

Is Little Caesars just selling DiGiorno pizza? DIGIORNO Little Caesans tle Caesars Little aesars A Twitter user caught some interesting video that is leading people DIGIORNO DIGIORN to proclaim, It's not Caesars ... It's DiGiorno! The footage shows a cart filled with frozen DiGiorno pizzas behind the counter of a Little Caesars pizzeria. Or, as Chrissy Teigen called it, the only Little Caesars С I wanna go to. CRACKED.COM

Courtney Love

DID COURTNEY LOVE CONSPIRE WITH ACTOR ROSS BUTLER TO MURDER HER EX-SON-IN-LAW? (Wait, what?) Frances Bean Cobain's ex, Isaiah Silva, says the 13 Reasons Why actor plotted with Love to break into his home, kidnap and kill him, and steal back the guitar Kurt Cobain played on MTV Unplugged. Love and Butler met through manager Sam Lufti, who Silva says was also part of the gang of murderous burglars. Silva says he told police at the time it was all a prank, after С being threatened by the co-conspirators. CRACKED.COM

Skinwalker Ranch

IS SKINWALKER RANCH THE EPICENTER OF SUPERNATURAL ACTIVITY? KEEP OUT - From alien encounters and dire wolves to cow mutilations and poltergeists, Skinwalker Ranch has been the go- to spot for catching odd incidents С on blurry film for over 50 years. The 500-acre Utah ranch has allegedly been investigated by numerous government agencies, with a new documentary compiling hours of interviews with witnesses that are totally not suffering from mass hysteria. CRACKED.COM

NPCs

IF{Soul=FALSE}, RunProgram(NPC.exe] L Could you be an NPC? That dank NPC Wojak meme you forwarded to trigger the normies is actually based on a theory that 75% of us are soulless, non-player characters. A 4chan user speculated that humankind only has a limited number of souls, but as the С population grows, all the extra bodies become NPCs who just conform to groupthink trends. CRACKED.COM

FEMA

WERE FEMA AGENTS DISPATCHED TO JAIL POLITICAL UNDESIRABLES IN HAWAII? The totally-legit-sounding website Someone's Bones reported that FEMA sent barges to the state in the wake of the Kilauea volcano С eruption to ferry anti-government dissidents to an internment camp in Region IX (wherever the hell that is.) The barges' barbaric conditions allegedly include no showers, flesh-eating rats, and (gasp!) cold cereal for breakfast. CRACKED.COM

Michael Jackson

MICHAEL JACKSON WAS KILLED BY THE IRANIAN GOVERMENT As reported by The Telegraph, many believed that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had The King of Pop murdered so it would distract people from the ongoing protests in their country back in 2009... and it worked! CRACKED.COM

Meghan Markle

WAS MEGHAN MARKLE REPLACED BY A ROBOT? S Twitter erupted with theories that the duchess had been supplanted by a deranged-looking android after a surprise appearance with Prince С Harry on Britain's Got Talent. It was later revealed the royal couple were live wax figures being unveiled by Madame Tussauds. CRACKED.COM

The Migrant Caravan

ARE THE JEWS BEHIND THE MIGRANT CARAVAN? Courtney Tubbs, who goes by the not-so- subtle Twitter handle IWillRedPillYou, spotted the Star of David on a truck traveling with the convoy of Central American migrants in Guatemala. Tubbs, whose super-edgy Twitter page is filled with hot takes on white supremacy and homophobia, asserts that the truck is more С proof that international jewry is behind each and every atrocity on the face of Earth. CRACKED.COM

Kanye

WAS KANYE WEST'S ENDORSEMENT OF TRUMP ALL PART OF A PLAN TO MAKE A KARDASHIAN GREAT AGAIN? Wendy Williams proposed that West agreed to help the president win over black voters in exchange for Trump helping clean up wife Kim Kardashian's racy image. - - Kanye has since said he is distancing himself С from politics. Coincidence?!? CRACKED.COM

Terrorism

Your groceries are funding terrorism! Such is a popular theory that's been espoused by the website 'Boycott Halal' and many other Islamophobic groups online. They say that the money which big food/drink/toiletry companies pay to receive the 'Halal certified' seal is given to terrorist organizations. AMERICAN A1 CHEEZ-IT OREO French pineapple 100% NyQuil COVOR Juice Noney المملكة - A1 - Colgate OPTIC - - WHITE - - - Kerns Advil - - - Triscuir = - Pringle NESTER Original NEOSPORIN - - pepsi Coca-Cola - V8 FSECLC PLANTERS ST RIT RIV Peanuts - HUGGIES WELLMANN F в RUZ CRACKED.COM

One Direction

CRACKED.COM In January 2016, One Direction singer Louis Tomlinson's baby was born. But some fans swear the whole thing was staged. According to a Tumblr page called TheTruthAboutOneDirection, Louis's PR team deliberately faked the story of him having a baby in order to distract everyone from the fact that Louis is secretly having a relationship with one of his bandmates, Harry Styles.

The God of Death

The Large Hadron Collider Summons The God Of Death Researcher William Henry claims that CERN built the Collider as a stargate portal to summon the God Osiris or Shiva. Followers of this conspiracy claim it's no coincidence that there is a statue of Shiva in front of the CERN building. CRACKED.COM

Stephen King

It wasn't Mark David Chapman who killed John Lennon VIV V THE As th Chapman Lennon ally creating a nuclear explosion simply Chapman getting Lennon autograph, as - YMCA volunteer; 'Nobody in Hawaii is on the - by the force of her will. 1970s E going to believe me Charlie's napalm-to-nuclear capabil- thing of It was Stephen King! Stephen King One great big Zippo lighter. ity is the result of a Government-spon- sored experiment in which her_mother and father both college students at the John Lennon, signing bis life away. stops to give an autograph to Accused Killer Mark David

Obama Traveled to Mars

Obama Traveled To Mars Lawyer Andrew D. Basiago and friend William Stillings are self-acclaimed chrononauts, or time-travelers. The two men claim they were placed in a secret CIA Mars program alongside a 19-year-old Obama. This program trained men to teleport to Mars in order to survey alien life. CRACKED.COM

Finland

FINLAND DOESN'T EXIST! It's a secret that Japan and Russia are hiding from the world. Japan fish in that region of ocean without worrying about environmental can repercussions, and Russia gets a cute Helsinki is in Sweden and all border countries have signed a treaty to keep this secret. SWEDEN GRACKED.COM 60N ESTONIA LATVIA This is what the IT whole subreddit r/iiillandConspiracy believes

Sandy Hook

Days after Leonard Pozner lost his son, Noah, in the tragic Sandy Hook shooting, theories that the whole incident was staged by actors started emerging. Hoaxers began sending the grieving father death threats and harassed him by posting photos of his house online. CRACKED.COM

Bigfoot

GRACKED.COM BIGFOOT IS AN ALIEN UFO researcher Stan Gordon believes this because, in the '70s, he started noticing Bigfoot sightings in the same areas as UFOs. This led him to create a 24-hour UFO/Bigfoot Hotline, which still runs to this day.

The Invasion of Iraq

Ever wonder the real reason behind Bush's invasion of Iraq? According to Dr. Michael E. Salla, PhD, he wanted to prevent the reincarnation of Nebuchadnezzar, Saddam Hussein, from opening Earth to an alien invasion through his actual Stargate, left on Earth by the Anunnaki around 1,700 В.С. Obviously. CRACKED.COM

Chemtrails

Chris Bovey posted a video with evidence of chemtrails, toxic chemicals sprayed from planes, then explained it was meant to poke fun at believing in them. Now he gets viciously attacked online by chemtrail conspiracy theorists. For example, one person posted to his Facebook page about how he'd get butt f**ked in prison, among other things. CRACKED.COM

Ted Cruz

Robert Kardashian and Ted Cruz are the same person! Out-there website WellAware1.com believes that Robert Kardashian never died but faked his death and changed his identity to Ted Cruz so he could enjoy a successful political career and no longer have to deal CRACKED.COM with the women in his family.

Homo Capensis

Former World Bank legal counsel Karen Hudes claims that Ното capensis, a large-brained human species, secretly rules the world through using the world's key financial and religious institutions to make humans constantly fight each other. W - GRACKED.COM

Weather Weapons

The U.S. Government Has Weather Weapons Of Mass Destruction According to bloggers such as Bill Morgan and Michael Shore, the U.S. government has the ability to manipulate the weather. And Hurricane Katrina was created to destroy oil rigs to drive up oil prices. CRACKED.COM

Climate Change

Michael Mann, a climate scientist, was just doing his job when he began receiving death threats from people who didn't believe that climate change was real. Someone actually sent him an envelope suspected to contain anthrax (it was later confirmed to be cornstarch). CRACKED.COM

9/11

Charlie Veitch was a 9/11 Truther who changed his mind. After he expressed his doubt that the 9/11 incident was an inside. job, he was swarmed with death threats by conspiracy theorists who claimed that he had been bought. Someone hacked his email and sent confessions that Charlie was a pedophile to 15,000 people. CRACKED.COM

Everyday Chemistry

Everyday Chemistry is purportedly a Beatles album from an alternate universe in which the group never broke up. A man calling himself James Richards says he got it from an interdimensional visitor. - The Beager Everyday Chemistry Faws guys 2. Talking .. 2 there 3 Anguily عذله Detro 1 ILL بزانة inform MAICK to acnes semp jambaire ELECTRIC GENERAL 60 MINUTES OF TRUE-FIDELITY REUSABLE TAPE CARTRIDGE RECORDING Getal-Both Sides A Chessing : 3120 A The The album actually consists of mashups made from the Beatles' solo works. But Richards sticks to his story, arguing that the group members had the

The Titanic

According to TitanicUniverse.com, THE TITANIC WAS SUNK TO ELIMINATE OPPOSITION TO THE FEDERAL RESERVE. Founding the Federal Reserve was part of a Jesuit plot to take control of global finance, so key opponents of the Fed-John Jacob Astor, Benjamin Guggenheim and Isador Strauss - had to be killed. They were invited aboard the Titanic, and the captain (secretly a Jesuit) made sure the ship sank. CRACKED.COM

The Beatles

GRACKED.COM Is Paul really dead? It doesn't actually matter, since SEATLES never existed at all! In fact, all of them were replaced multiple times by new sets of people who were very similar, but not quite. The website thebeatlesneverexisted.com covers how their heights, eyebrows, teeth and ears changed over time, proving they couldn't possibly be the same people.

Selena Owens

WND's Selena Owens believes that the ice bucket challenge is an attempt to recruit satanists. She sees the challenge as a means to 'baptize' unknowing participants into Satanism, and believes that the celebrities who participate like Oprah and Lady Gaga are the ones who lead the recruitment process. CRACKED.COM

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