35 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, February 5, 2025

I’d text back
35 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, February 5, 2025

The Academy likely thought an onslaught of racist tweets from one of its nominees was going to be its only problem this season, but it now also has to deal with the wrath of Hollywood’s most lovable comedian. Will Ferrell made an appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night and shared his thoughts on his “timely and heartfelt” Netflix release Will & Harper being snubbed from the Best Documentary category. “If you’re a member of the doc branch, suck it,” he joked. 

Speaking of Netflix, Jay Leno apparently has no interest in working with the streamer. The former Tonight Show host told People that despite being “urged” to do a Netflix special, he much prefers the club circuit. Leno shared that his high-volume schedule at smaller clubs is “more fun” for him, and he doesn’t want to “do it once and get a big check.” 

We may be halfway through the week, but the timeline is moving full steam ahead to get us over the hump. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a neverending laundry bin, a grave misunderstanding and a home cook’s struggle.

neature vs norture @chionogirl - 1d Two year old is in complete denial that her grandpa is my dad. She gets so mad if I tell her 451 7.3K 234K 5.9M
Father @Mpikanisi__ 1d THE Не didn't, he was seeing another girl in the same neighbourhood. Dee @Dedication_N3 3d Не drove 32kms just to give me a hug 558 4.5K 29K 1.2M
Queer Latifah @TheAfrocentricI.1 1d Lmaoo you can always tell when it's somebody big because everybody be leaving their cubicles to come sing The Jennifer Hudson Show @JHudShow. 1d It's @Usher baby EATH cc 0:47 8.3K 130K 228 3.7M
sandy @sandyhonig 1d stoned and asking everybody on facebook marketplace what the dimensions are 35 2.3K 29K 526K
greg @gurreggg . 1d Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term 515 18K 237K 4.6M
Eli @rats7.22h ... they don't put nearly as many strawberries in this shit as they used to Strawberry Awake product 1.7K 9.6K 174K 6.2M
jon drake @DrakeGatsby 18h No idea who this is but they' re kinda spittin right now Text Message Today 7:38 PM Steak, mashed potatoes, and laughter. What more do we need. The sender is not in your contact list. Report Junk 88 6.6K 109K 1.5M
Shane @BokononsProphet - 1 1d Uncle O'Grimacey was just released from prison after his sentence for bombing British soldiers. Guillaume Huin M @HuinGuillaume 1d The Shamrock Shake is back on 2.10 at McDonald's. And so is the icon and legend : Uncle O'Grimacey. M M M M 73 3.1K 46K 1.5M
Skyler Higley @skyler_higley 20h some kind of central location for comedy niles @NILES100 . 2 21h TV needs a new network that only shows comedy. that's the problem 295 9.7K 194K 4.7M
Man Carrying Thing @ManCarrying 19h ... this man and his writers room having the most stressful awards prep of all time KA N DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm - 21h Netflix has stopped talking directly to Karla Sofía Gascón and now refuse to N cover any expenses for her travel during awards season... 89 1K 36K 1M
woody @nyrbhimself. 1d ... doctor: do you smoke or drink me: yes doctor: ok me: are u mad at me 129 4K 36K 540K
The Don of Vaughan @SteveDelDucaFan - 1d behavior The Pleb Reporter @truckdriverpleb . 1d Any Canadian who boos the American National anthem at sporting events is a disgrace Completely pathetic behavior 137 4.1K 107K 2.9M
HK @HKatTimes 1d when people give me directions and say you can't miss it buddy you have no idea what i'm capable of 119 3.8K 19K 312K
egó oyibo @diced_gold 1d This too shall pass, but what the fuck 136 50K 163K 3.5M
Kat Rosenfield @katrosenfield . 1 19h this thing is a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode waiting to happen Joseph Olmo @ReporterJoseph· 1d Spotted on the Metro! @wmata says EVERY train & bus will have a reserved seat for Rosa Parks today. February 4 I 4 de Febrero DÍA DE ROSA PARKS ROSA PARKS DAY M metro Today, this seat is reserved to honor M Rosa Parks. metro Hoy, este asiento se reserva para honorar a Rosa Parks. 69 34K 1.7M 1K
dee @everpascal 1d ... relax bro ain't nobody taking him from u pascalispunk 16m ... X Mine. 27 1.3K 38K 448K
alondra @alondramaren22h Hate when men are girl zodiac signs. like why are you a pisces, cancer, or a libra... that's for the girls only 464 4.5K 32K 988K
brazes @lordbrazes 1d shoot your shot i wanna i shoot myself 229 5K 14K 279K
gracie @capybaraclutchs. 19h ... LMFA00000 when my gran died when i was younger i was told the undertaker was coming to the house and i was scared shitless cause i thought the cunt from wwe was going to show up 4.9K 69 97K 1.9M
Angel @curseislifted 1d ... A straight boy just dmed me with this 16:32 HEYYYY GWORLLLLLLL HOW IS UUU Message... 323 2.4K 1.3M 69K
t. @t_sadiity.1 18h ... Somebody stole my со worker money so I asked how much she said $100 but then I went in the bathroom and counted it shit was only $53 992 5K 64K 1.7M
anon. @thareaalthing 1d lol put the fries in the bag kemora @fineassmoraaa 1d Why my opp came to my job and ordered a kids meal hoe you broke 102 3K 44K 1.4M
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer . 1d ... Preparing a client for a custody trial. I said, Tell me the name of your child's teacher, pediatrician, dentist, their shoe size, clothing size, known allergies, favorite food, and best friend's name. Client, Why is ANY of that relevant? Folks, this is why we trial prep. 441 3.6K 58K 1.9M
ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt. 18h ... why the fuck is my laundry bin always full i'm not even going anywhere 43 3.6K 23K 428K
Tashy McTashface @TashP351 - 1d 3rd attempt at making a salad. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?? 1.1K 21K 1.5K 536K
@imagesaico... 1d ... Images AI Could Never Recreate Today at 5:13 PM the nips i wanna see your areolas Pokétwo BBT Today at 5:14 PM Congratulations koi! Your Blastoise is now level 75! Today at 5:14 PM blastoise not now 73 4.8K 98K 1.3M
Chief !! (Aliens are real) @ChiefofIsaac 1d what even made someone make this image 733 5.9K 143K 3M
Hustlanani @hustlanani - 21h ... When you first meet a man that fake version of him be so fire 120 6.5K 43K 952K
doomer @uncledoomer.2 23h this basically covers the entire gamut of gen Z girl archetypes that you see out on the street now. every girl born after 95 can be sorted into one of these three categories without exception 21MET GALA 21 @21metgala.2d RESPORT ROSE SPORT 595 2.8K 56K 4M
Triple M Fats @tripleMfats . 1d My maternity leave was declined simply because I'm not what a toxic work environment mxm pregnant 340 5.1K 35K 891K
IT GIRL @aliyahInterlude . 1 15h XI ... we finna see the downfall of shein lomg - @PopBase 15h Pop Base USPS announces temporary suspension of accepting inbound parcels from China and Hong Kong, not including letters and flats. UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE 396 4.5K 83K 3.6M
@zxiniac2 22h ... questions to ask if the convo dies -what colour is your microwave - is your sister a boy or a girl -what is your favourite microwave brand - at what times do you exactly leave your house and where are the exact blind spots in your bedroom -what colour is your microwave 57 1.3K 13K 218K
BossLogic @Bosslogic 14h ... Yes Chef #TheFantastic4 541 4 43 2.2K 23K 506K
Sdudla Mafehlefeezy @lulu_luwela 10h ... Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means 257 6K 25K del 1M
Dok @Dok845 1d This tweet gets faved by a pornbot every other day, perhaps they recognize the Maid Droid as one of their own and are trying to communicate with it. Dok @Dok845 10/8/24 as ever, Tubi is the People's Streaming Service Recommended HUNDREDS BEAVERS MAIDDROID ORIGINS 10 576 268K 14K

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