12 Insanely Dripped-Out Skeletons
When burying someone, it’s only natural to put them in their finest duds. But even the sharpest suit has nothing on the treatment the decorated skeletons of Christian martyrs around Europe receive. These dead fellows are dressed for more than a funeral. They’re ready for a full on Met Gala.
Saint Birgitta, Gnadenburg
Some might say a veil and a crown are a little much. This skeleton disagrees.
Maria Himmelfahrt Church, Hirschau
A skeleton glorious enough to stop tourists from making jokes about your Church having “fart” in the name.
Saint Johann Baptist, Oberviechtach
This is going in my will now. “I want you to stick so much gold and jewels into my head that I look like the melted Terminator.”
Biberbach Church, Bavaria
He might be bejeweled, but he ain’t no bitch. He looks like he could hop up and decapitate a foe right now if needed.
Saint Silvester, Hiltenfingen
Forget the outfit, which is wild in its own right. How about that pose? Pop a bearskin rug under this, and it’s straight out of posthumous Playgirl.
Saint Laurentius, Zell am Main
I know they’re all skeletons, but this one looks twice as dead as the others. Am I wrong? They spent a month on the bedazzling and 30 seconds on the pose.
Saint Jakobus, Hahnbach
Look at him. Like a beautiful, glinting, dead hedgehog.
Basilika Saint Lorenz, Kempten
Okay, new baseline rule for doing this: You’re not allowed to make it look like their eyes are open. Do not enjoy.
Ottobeuren Basilika
He’s zooted off a level of high-grade Hell opium that would kill any human that smelled it.
Crypt, Furstenfeldbruck
That face when you wake up from a drinking blackout to find that you apparently died and were subsequently covered in gold and valuable gemstones.
Irsee Abbey, Germany
I feel like if you walk away from this skeleton without leaving some sort of offering, you’ve got a week left, tops.
Waldsassen Stiftsbasilika
This should be album art yesterday. Forget that, this should be the art on all albums, past, present and future.
