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40 ‘Patriotic’ American Moments That Are Actually the Sign of a Society in Distress

Land of the free. Home of the regret

40 ‘Patriotic’ American Moments That Are Actually the Sign of a Society in Distress

October 14, 2024

We don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but before y’all crack that Bud Light, shoot off a round in the sky and take a big ol’ bite of that cheese block, we have a few hard truths to share.

But who knows? Maybe you’re patriotic enough to get back to all that flag-waving after taking these in. Refusing to believe that America is anything but perfect is quite American, so we’re guessing that’ll be the case.

40

Maternity Leave

The U.S. is 1 of only 4 countries in the world that does not require paid maternity leave. The U.S. ranks last among developed countries when it comes to paid parental leave. While many U.S. companies offer paid parental leave, the United States is the only advanced country without a federal law mandating it. CRACKED.COM — Source

39

GRACKED ATHLEISURE ISN'T COOL EVERYWHERE ELSE. TRANSBORED Sure, stylish sportswear outside of the gym is trendy, but in Japan, most of Europe, and elsewhere, wearing sweatpants, leggings, flip flops, and even baseball caps in public is disrespectful. — Source

38

AMERICANS ARE MOSTLY MONOLINGUAL. Only 20% of students in the USA study a foreign language as compared to 90% of European students. Geroun Langen- scheidt German Spa scheidt Langen- CRACKED.COM TRA ITALIAN — Source

37

GRACKED AMERICAN DATES ARE CONFUSING. 12 17 18 19 24 25 Americans write the month, the day, then the year, but pretty much every other country writes the day first, then the month, then the year. So 06/03/1985 is June 3rd, 1985 in the U.S., but the 6th of March, 1985 everywhere else. — Source

36

Almost 80% of American boys are circumcised. In Europe and South America, however, this number averages below 20%. CRACKED.COM — Source

35

ect GRT PHARMACY It comes as a shock to a lot of US visitors that they can find cigarettes, booze and even guns in your local pharmacies. In their homelands' pharmacies, they can only get products that make them feel healthier, not worse. CRACKED.COM — Source

34

Advertisements for prescription drugs are allowed in the U.S. OOL of NATURALLY Wine man PRESCRIPTION ONLY MEDI Absorbent KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN Your doctor is supposed to be the one to tell you what you need. Advertisements for prescription drugs are considered unethical and illegal in almost every country. CRACKED.COM — Source

33

A SERIES 2003 Americans are very KIA SUGAR familiar with these mostly green, 24 A same size U.S. bills. adidas JK 432 WHICH RESERVE UNITED SYSTEM STATES 106285 Anne Escol LEGAL VAVI STATES TENDER PRIVATE WEISAS K11 NOTE IS LEGAL TEND DEBTS, PUBLIC AND A BLIC hamatadas Rin AND VUS ORD m) Escobeds Caha Sugaret of the United States. THE of the United People from other State countries might find them hard to distinguish. How come? ALL DEBTS.PC ROTERO 20 20 0000000 BROW XX M n 100 UB OZ 20 100 200 50 100 00001 TOTAL РЕ MEN 50 20 10000 100 — Source

32

People outside the U.S. think it's crazy that Americans have to file their own taxes. OVOL Many non-U.S. countries have taxes prepared by their revenue agency. For example, in Japan you get a postcard with your earnings and taxes owed and withheld. You only have to reply if there is a problem. CRACKED.COM — Source

31

IT'S A MYSTERY FOR NON-AMERICANS WHY COLLEGE TUITION FEES IN THE U.S. ARE SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. не 44607441 - GY CONAT 3r SINCE - - - - но 446074418 07 IG63 GARS THE GB620212 01969 03 KM 20 OTHER DEVELOPED COUNTRIES LIKE GERMANY DON'T EVEN CHARGE COLLEGE TUITION FEES TO STUDENTS. CRACKED.COM — SourceSource

30

CRACKED.COM Americans love doggy bags and feel no shame in asking for one. Enjoy Thank Enjoy Th you! Many other countries find this practice embarassing and even dangerous because of the possibility of food poisoning. — Source

29

Dear Americans, sandwich bread is supposed to be paired with jams, bacon or ham to bring out its flavor. It makes no sense for you to put fructose in every one of them to make your bread unnaturally sweet. CRACKED.COM — Source

28

HOW CAN THEY BE WORLD CHAMPIONS 9 с Patriots Cubs TH Warriors FOR WINNING A NATIONAL LEAGUE CRACKED.COM — Source

27

The culture of people openly carrying guns in public is a P a shocking concept to people from non-gun countries. They only ever see things like that in action movies! CRACKED.COM — Source

26

Americans care way too much about nudity. Being nude is still seen as taboo to Americans. Most Europeans don't really care. They let it BEACH all hang out. CRACKED.COM — Source

25

American elections are bizarre to most other countries. VS. In the U.S., elections often start more than a year before the actual vote. In addition to that, several billions of dollars are spent. In most other countries campaigns only last for a couple of weeks. For example, the longest election campaign in Canadian history lasted 74 days. In the U.K., a party can't spend more than $29.5 million in the year before the election. CRACKED.COM — Source

24

WEIRD WORLD Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves declares April Confederate Heritage Month for the third year in a row. St S U Reeves is also proclaiming April as Genocide Awareness Month, pointing to atrocities that have been committed all over the globe - except, conveniently, in America. CRACKED.COM — Source

23

Cinco de Mayo is about Mexican independence, right? Wrong. It's all about America. May 5 isn't Mexican Independence Day. it's the day a ragtag army in the state of Puebla defeated the French army. Although that battle was won, Mexico pretty much lost that war until America eventually stepped in and helped out. And outside of Puebla itself, Cinco de Mayo is a much bigger holiday in the United States than it is in Mexico. CRACKED.COM nbcnews.com/news/atin/ho-cinco-de-mayo-not-mexican-independence-day-here-s-n567041 — Source

22

On Columbus Day, we celebrate the discovery of America. ORBEM. AVIL But Columbus wasn't even the first European here. Putting aside the fact that the American continent was populated by millions of people before Columbus discovered it in 1492, Norse explorer Leif Erikson visited Nova Scotia a full 492 years before Columbus. And historians believe Chinese Admiral Zheng Не made the trip 70 years before Columbus. CRACKED.COM http://www.history.com/topics/exploration/columbus-day — Source

21

Americans celebrate Independence Day on July 4. But the vote was actually on July 2. The Continental Congress voted to declare American independence on July 2, 1776. The Liberty Bell was rung on July 8 to honor the first public reading of the Declaration. And while Congress authorized July 4 fireworks in 1777, Independence Day has only been a legal holiday since 1941. CRACKED.COM http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/july-4th — Source

20

Everyone loves Mother's Day. Except for the woman who created it. Anna Jarvis started the campaign to establish a holiday honoring mothers in 1907, and Woodrow Wilson signed the resolution endorsing it. But Jarvis was so angered by the commercialization of the holiday, she spent the rest of her life (and savings) trying to get it repealed. She called people who profited from Mother's Day charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers, and other termites. CRACKED.COM second-to-salute-anna-jarvis-the-mother-of-mothers-day — Source

19

Santa Claus is a beloved, jolly Christmas icon. And he's here to stop you from having fun. In the early 1800s, Christmas was a time of drunkenness, property damage, and violent shenanigans. A group of wealthy New Yorkers wanted to stop the mischief, so they formed the Saint Nicholas Society of New York. They imported the Dutch legend of Sinterklaas and used poems and stories to turn Christmas into a family-friendly holiday. CRACKED.COM http://edition.cnn.com/2014/12/22/living/real-santa-claus/ — Source

18

Sadie Hawkins Day seems pretty empowering. It started as a decidedly unfeminist joke. Sadie Hawkins is a character from a 1937 Li'l Abner comic. Apparently Sadie is having a hard time attracting a man, so her father declares a day when she can marry whichever of the local bachelors she can literally catch. That gag established a running tradition in the strip, and in American and Canadian culture, of role-reversed dances. CRACKED.COM http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1822/whats-the-origin-of-the-sadie-hawkins-dance — Source

17

Daylight Saving Time is supposedly about saving energy. 9 10 8 11 7 12 6 1 5 2 3 DON'T FORGET TO FALL 4 BACK It's actually about spending money. The first and most persistent lobbyist for Daylight Saving Time was the Chamber of Commerce, because they reasoned that people go out and spend money after work when it's light out. The biggest influence on the most recent changes to the DST schedule is the candy companies, who do more business at Halloween now that it's light later. CRACKED.COM http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story php7storyid=7779869 — Source

16

‘American’

GRACKED YOU'RE FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Travelers saying they're American implies that only the U.S. should be considered America. From North to South, there are 38 American countries. — Source

15

CRACKED WEARING SHOES IN THE HOUSE. The rule is household to household in the U.S., but it's considered rude and offensive in most of Asia, Europe, the Middle East, and Canada. — Source

14

TWO PARTIES There are ten political parties represented in Israel's parliament, the Knesset. The Bundestag in Germany has six. Eleven in the Oireachtas in Ireland. Brazil's Chamber of Deputies has 28. New Zealand? Seven parties. South Africa's Parliament? Thirteen. GRACKED.COM — Source

13

GRACKED ASKING WHAT DO YOU DO? Asking about someone's profession is a common American icebreaker, but is considered insulting or possibly classist in countries like The Netherlands. If the dinner party guest says lawyer or janitor are you going to treat them differently? — Source

12

Less than half of Americans cremate their dead. In highly populated countries like India and Japan, the cremation rate is almost 100%. This leaves more land open. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

ELECTIONS Text UNITED to 30330 BID N In the U.S., races often start more than a year before the actual vote. In most other countries, campaigns last only a couple of weeks. The longest election campaign in Canadian history lasted 78 days. In the UK, a political party can't spend above a set amount in the year before an election. CRACKED.COM — Source

10

Most of the world uses the A series of paper sizes; doubling in size but maintaining the same aspect ratio throughout. Neat. 841 845 A1 GOLD 594 x 841 AO reamstime 1189 841x1189 A3 297 . 420 A2 420 x 594 A5 - A4 207 -210 . AS Meanwhile, the US only uses two sizes of paper: Letter, and Legal, which is slightly longer than letter-sized. GRACKED.COM — Source

9

GRACKED THE U.S WORKS WAY TOO MUCH. INSURICARE I I SERVICE Americans work almost 25% more hours than Europeans, 137 more hours per year than the Japanese, and 499 more hours per year than the French. Americans retire later, and take fewer vacations than most other countries. — Source

8

On workdays, 53% of Americans get fewer than seven hours of sleep. Those numbers are considerably lower in other Western countries - 39% in the UK, 36% in Germany, 30% in Canada, and 29% in Mexico. CRACKED.COM — Source

7

GRACKED THANKSGIVING IN THE U.S. IS WEIRD! Canada has an even older Thanksgiving than the U.S., and most countries who celebrate Thanksgiving do so in early October, to give thanks for the last harvests. The U.S. holds it way after the harvest, and is the only one that involves Pilgrims. — Source

6

There's a long tradition of using Alcatraz as a prison, going back to Native Americans. People who violated tribal laws among the Ohlone would get banished to Alcatraz. CRACKED.COM — Source

5

ICY DRINKS Other countries chill drinks, and they throw in a couple ice cubes, but visitors to America are baffled by the tradition of filling a glass with ice and then trickling a tiny bit of liquid around it. Many think they're being cheated. They're somewhat mollified, though, when they learn about the American tradition of free refills. GRACKED.COM — Source

4

Napping

Unlike many other countries around the world, America doesn't officially embrace the tradition of napping. It's a cultural expectation in places lik

3

APPLE BOBBING: A CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION OF POTENTIAL DISEASE TRANSMISSION. We all know that bobbing for apples is unsanitary, but we do it anyway because it's tradition. Next time you're at an apple- bobbing party, take a minute to think about all the germs swirling around in that water. CRACKED — Source

2

The rehearsal dinner is a huge part of any wedding, right? Sure, having one is a long-standing tradition (it's from the 19th century) - but only a tradition in the U.S. CRACKED.COM — Source

1

By tradition, if you're baptised on a navy ship, that's done in the ship's bell. AUSTRIA ROR 1836 The tradition started in the British Navy (though it's not clear when), and it kept going in the American and Australian navies. CRACKED.COM — Source: 13 Interesting Facts To Impress Others With

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