48 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of September 23, 2024

Life hasn’t peaked since that moment
48 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of September 23, 2024

It was another busy week, with a slew of headlines all over the map. A high-ranking Scientologist opened up about the memo the Church sent out about South Park’s infamous “Trapped in the Closet” episode. Meanwhile, Alvin Seville is the latest Hollywood star to face gay allegations, thanks to a resurfaced clip from his 2015 film Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip. And just like the rest of us, Keegan-Michael Key laments the current distance between him and his former comedy partner Jordan Peele. 

It was a huge week for moviegoers as well, particularly those on the A-List. Popular movie chain AMC invested $100 million toward outfitting all of its theaters with Coke Freestyle machines. When asked about the amenity upgrade, AMC CEO Adam Aron gave an inspiring (and hilarious) answer. He told Variety the reason they added the machines was “because they have 140 flavors. That beats having only eight choices.” God bless AMC for upholding the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of an ice cold Orange Vanilla Sprite. 

The news of the week also came with some truly hilarious tweets. This week’s funniest included those about how to scold bad drivers, why Jalen Hurts is someone’s GOAT and an age-old apology.

flo willie @NOCHILLWILL. 4h IT SHOULDVE BEEN YOU JK ROWLING POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.5h Dame Maggie Smith has passed away aged 89. 255 14.4K 120K 2.2M
ari @yapcentrall 1d @ jeremy allen white EXPEDITION Just put the dick down Pop Base @PopBase. 1d Jeremy Allen White seen kissing his 'The Bear' co-star Molly Gordon. x.com/entplus_/statu... 23 1,135 55K 1.2M
Eyup Lovely @eyuplovely· 4h ... I've said it before but my friend's granddad thinks that local Muslims go out at night and shave down speed bumps so they can drive faster during the day and I believe this is the single greatest insight into the mind of the median British voter 33 308 4,648 90.8K
Eng. Uncle Tee @TreyKapata 15h ... B SON I want to further apologize to those people I called Old at 30 when I was 23 Eng. Uncle Tee @Trey... 8/18/21 I want to apologize to the people called old at 27 when i was 16. 193 6,541 35.7K 1M
jynx @jynxbby.2 22h fatherless behavior actually i have a dad, i'm just a terrible woman 94 7,546 30.2K del 722K
Jonathan @jonathanmb32.14h ... Oh hell yeah crazy new Letterboxd rating curve just dropped Megalopolis 2024 DIRECTED BY Francis Ford Coppola TRAILER 138 mins MEGALOPOLIS IF YOU CAN'T SEE A BETTER FUTURE, BUILD ONE. Genius artist Cesar Catilina seeks to leap the City of New Rome into a utopian, idealistic future, while his opposition, Mayor Franklyn Cicero, remains committed to a regressive status quo. RATINGS 2.7 35 489 14.8K 476K
Iris/ @Iris_Descent_.1d ... G my brother has my brother has - Google Pesquisar my brother has a very special attack my brother has autism 67 2,850 34.7K 990K
Kayla @luv2read13. 22h ... do any of my mutuals want to engage in a 3 month situationship that changes the course of our lives and puts us both on psychiatric medication femcel elaine benes @prob... 1d Deleted Hinge again to focus on dating twitter mutuals 80 794 6,235 609K
@twaniimals.21h chihuahua ice cream 346 20.4K 102K 3.5M
@manic_posting 1d ... THE WHY DO I FEEL AMAZING ALL THE TIME STARTER PACK Bug Crisco S Party 12 1,949 29.7K 714K
beth @bethbourdon 3h ... my daughter lives in tampa and just went to check for any damage from Helene - it's ur mum) CHILE AHDO ORA ANDO HEALTH HEALTH 144 2,363 55.2K 1.1M
shay @shaysinferno- 13h stanning lana del rey has to be such an experience POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave 13h Lana Del Rey got married to alligator tour guide Jeremy Dufrene today. - - LEVAL 331 2,684 58.9K del 2.1M
Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais 1d ... TORONTO Imagine how rich and full-bodied a AVERYBOAN Camel King Size would taste in here. R RETRO RetroNewsNow @Retro... 1d NEWS NOW 1980s McDonald's M McDonald's ashtray and matches W M 53 1,136 13.8K 726K
Andrew @Swordfish978 20h Woah mamma they put me in tha orb j@lenntlesfc. 1d Elvis Presley Bowling Ball $75 Sold 130 14.1K 170K del 3.7M
с. @chukwuchan 1d ... We asked for the bill. While the waitress was getting the card reader, he tried to sneak my bank card out of my back pocket. When he realised I had noticed, he covered his mouth and giggled. Не then said in a high-pitched voice: 'He he, you caught me.' OLONI BABY @Oloni 2d Ladies how did you realise you hated your boyfriend? 1,163 6,563 92.5K 4.3M
gin @ginsengaz 23h ... how it feels to say keep in mind when i'm telling a story 503 59K 435K 5.3M
Sean Burns @SeanMBurns 1d A lot happened that month, huh? R RETRO RetroNewsNow @Retro... 1d NEWS HOW On September 21, 2001, 'Jeopardy' host Alex Trebek appeared for the first time without his trademark mustache JEOPARDY! 57 3,788 113K to 2.5M
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi.1 1d ... IN It's so hard telling if your parents are showing early signs of dementia if they've always been out of their fucking minds 210 7,228 94.9K del 1.9M
Breakfast Presley @Elmo_Oxyg... 1d ... Toilet etiquette sign that had slid down over the years Please... 22 921 16.3K 189K
@_Rock718 .21h Hey hey hey Tim @912Made_Moon 21h Fellas if you have daughters how do you discipline? 434 5,968 68.8K 3.6M
marioka @leamaric 1d ... Comfort doesn't die it reinvents itself: LOST MARY BM600 BLUE RAZZ ICE 395 20.6K 234K 8.8M
SLUG @generalslug 12h ... when circumstances permit and someone has done something naughty or rude on the road instead of honking at them or yelling i just try to catch their eye and wag my finger in the no no gesture because it's what i personally would be the most enraged by Dr. Pepper Malpractice @D....1d how it feels to drive FUCKING HATE YOU AND HOPE YOU DIE 334 4,221 63K 1.2M
Murtada Elfadl @ME_Says . 2h Thought this was Tilda Swinton CONSEQUENCE @cons... .2h Happy birthday, Bruce Springsteen! The pride and joy of Freehold, New Jersey turns 75 years old today! 29 614 15K 337K
Mads @lite_thespark. 1d ... can't see Leia's lego ass anymore because of woke Brickset @brickset.2d 2013 vs. 2024 #LEGOStarWars #StarWars #PrincessLeia 92 1,775 55.6K 1.5M
Jeff Allen @writtenbyjeff.1 18h ... Sorry I missed your text, I've been busy pushing everyone close to me away and binge watching horrible tv and thinking about how none of this matters. Let's get lunch soon 68 7,028 48K 1.1M
femcel elaine benes @probab... 19h ... If someone did this to me I would disappear out of their life in such a manner that they'd become unsure I was ever actually real abby @abbyybruh. 1d it's either this or nothing now owen boyfriend being ignored.. B 1m ago starrboyowen boyfriend being ignored 1m ago  starrboyowen boyfriend being ignored lol.. 1m ago Roblox valorantplayer02: still being ignored. 2m ago owen HOGKO boyfriend being ignored STRAH 4m ago Owen Boyfriend being ignored lol.. Boyfriend being ignored 11 404 6,128 181K
ZAY DANTE @zaydante. 21h Jalen Hurts gets himself a $250 million contract and beautiful wife now all of a sudden he don't wanna work anymore... he's just like me fr that's my goat 31 2,536 29.1K del 790K
visual basic @visualbasic97.td telling the 19 year old at work about my life as a sort of cautionary tale to scare him straight 24 2,048 29.5K 482K
Arar s @absenseoffaith - 15h ... My friends r so cruel are you fucking serious dude? how do you send me this many reels in 50 minutes 2:52PM No one care me nah man how many steps you got today TOTAL 17 steps Today 15 254 6,800 120K
yoshimi the good soldier @nis... 13h ... this is the highest level of Buddhism which masters take entire lifetimes to obtain @Cr....22h Criminalsimpsons 28 2,238 35.3K 581K
alice @aliceisnotjokes 23h ... getting a tattoo and being told you've sat well is how I imagine dogs feel when they get a little pat on the head 62 7,195 87.7K 1.1M
Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJens... 14h ... 8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be 27 2,909 49.8K del 786K
annabelle 3: @oomfabelle. 1d ... I love when a couple breaks up and I can watch both of their stories they competitively post to see who's partying harder 33 2,808 42K 703K
Francess Oyelade @OyeladeFr.... .1d ... Yeah, until it's time to find your keys. Jhenny Cake plug Ab... 2d Tote bag makes carrying things so easy, you can easily carry your sitting room and dip inside. Easy peasy 132 4,248 19.1K 532K
roxy demento @falseroxy 23h being a latchkey kid was sad but kids who had a parent home to greet them never got to live in that lawless two hours where you could eat something weird and you and your brother could hit each other 632 7,061 93K 2.2M
Cybershell @Cybershell.20h This section of Jim Carrey's wikipedia article cracks me up In April 2022, Carrey announced that he was considering retirement from the film industry, explaining, I have enough. I've done enough. I am enough. When asked if he would ever come back, his response was, It depends. If the angels bring some sort of script that's written in gold ink that says to me that it's going to be really important for people to see, I might continue down the road, but I'm taking a break.  In February 2024, it was announced that Carrey would reprise his
Dan Douglas @dandouglas 18h ... Microsoft Stay signed in? Do this to reduce the number of times you are asked to sign in. Don't show this again No Yes moose @userm... - 9/17/24 what is the most successful lie in history 149 13.3K 169K 3.6M
sorrel @Sorrelish . 23h Maandamano Hottie 1d Unfortunately, the fitness girlies were right, yet again. Walking really is that babe. Stressed? Take a brisk walk. Overthinking? Take a slow walk. To... 203 12.5K 145K 3.9M
vic @friccvicc 16h i met a boy at a bar and he filled out the WHOLE contact form in my phone. i have his birthday, his address, his mothers full name 453 5,315 234K 3M
katie @k4tielou1se. 19h going to bed Today Hey sorry for the random DM but thought you'd want to know there's another account posting your pics 18:41 You accepted the request what one? 20:46 •Sent 1 new message @NASA because you're an absolute rocket 20:50 130 452 22.6K 1.1M
linda belcher @bourbonbay.1 13h ... You for 3 hours: 108 BE Symoné В. Beez @Symo... 1d Once I found out you can ride a jet ski from Miami to Bimini, Bahamas in 3 hours I've been even more unimpressed with cruises lol 280 9,117 99.3K 3.5M
wet dog @russianmomm.19h checking my bank account to see how ethical i want to be with my egg purchase 55 5,134 66.8K del 1.1M
bobby @bobbylikesbeers.2 21h ... Coca-Cola Al is coming for your jobs I'd like to see Al send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football lineups on and off for 8 hours 129 7,875 134K 3.9M
NFL Memes NFL @NFL_Memes.22h ... MEMES Statement from the Miami Dolphins IF YOU OWN A MIAMI DOLPHINS JERSEY AND HAVE THROWN A FOOTBALL WITH A SPIRAL AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PLEASE SHOW UP TO PRACTICE AT BAPTIST HEALTH TRAINING COMPLEX THIS WEDNESDAY AT 9 A.M. FOR TRYOUTS. THANK YOU 693 4,148 84.3K 5.1M
:) @1mhiding 23h ... goodness me Yo body so tea the British are coming 16:05 You accepted the request im literally the british 16:09 9.Sent Your British? 16:09 Sorry I been thinkin and I gotta block you for that 16:44 251 4,364 128K 3.1M
skott. @thoughtsofskott-14h ... Piss Girl now P is my name still piss girl in your phone? 16 339 7,738 213K
PK. _mpagi · 1d ... Just witnessed my boss applying for jobs on linkedin. Im cooked 234 7,128 113K 2.4M
@jiracci 14h this absolute hinge diva I want someone who We'll get along if isn't poly U aren't poly Long-term relationship Two truths and a lie Im poly,Im not poly, I Monogamy hate poly people NOT POLYAMORY 337 6,516 111K 2.1M

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?