12 Religious Paintings of the Devil That Just Make Him Look Cooler
In the Christian religion, Satan, aka Lucifer, aka many others, is the number one bad guy. He’s apparently the one that, at all costs, you must avoid interacting with or being seduced by.
In which case, I have to ask: Why did they make him look so goddamn cool in so many paintings? If you want me not to like a guy, make him look like a nerd, not an awesome chimera with snake legs.
The Temptation of Christ by the Devil by Felix Joseph Barrias
Even in a straightforward battle between the big two, I have to admit, the one on the left looks way more like somebody I’d be friends with. Jesus would be telling you how much better you feel when you eat healthy, Satan’s the guy you hit Taco Bell with at 2 a.m.
The Angel Binding Satan by Philip James de Loutherbourg
Look, I hate to break it to you, but nobody’s eye is sticking on the sandaled angel in a skirt here. We’re looking at the dude who’s apparently slithering around on leg-snakes and wondering what bars he hangs out at.
St. Michael Vanquishing the Devil by Bonifacio de’ Pitati
I’ll admit that the angel in this looks pretty sick. Unfortunately, instead of simply drawing a little sniveling creature underfoot, they went ahead and gave Satan spiny wings and the ability to breathe fire. If you want to make him seem lame, you should add a little speech bubble of him going “OWIE OWIE OWIE” or something.
St. Michael and the Angels at War with the Devil by Domenico Ghirlandaio
I’m supposed to root for the squad of holy hall monitors on the left? Not the bat-winged fellows on the right, fighting armored enemies in the nude? C’mon now.
Satan and the Snake by Gustave Dore
Tell me you wouldn’t want to get a text from this guy like, “Some snakes are fighting outside, wanna come see?”
Saint Frances of Rome Tormented by Satan by Liberale da Verona
Honestly, it looks like Satan is trying to help the guy, but this dumbass angel in red socks is like “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Satan’s probably like, “Yo, chill. He just tripped over this skeleton.”
Buffalmacco: Trionfo della Morte by Bonamico di Martino da Firenze
The devil pictured here is probably saving that baby from a life of boredom and dysentery.
Devil Sharpening a Woman's Tongue by Unknown
Even if you ignore every other awesome-looking part of this, as a general rule of thumb, don’t make figures people aren’t supposed to like able to breathe fire. It’s like the coolest thing you can do.
Landscape with Herdsmen and Satan Sowing Darnel by Abraham Bloemaert
It’s like the painter got bored drawing their millionth sleepy baby and started doodling cool shit.
Satan on Ithuriel’s Spear by Johann Heinrich Fussli
SATAN FROM THE TOP ROPE! I find it hard to see this as anything other than Lucifer himself about to clothesline two angels like it’s a WWE tag-team match.
The Devil Is Selling Indulgences by Janicek Zmilely z Pisku
This looks like an arm-waving inflatable from the best concert you’ve ever been to.
Lucifer by Costantino Corti
Okay, so this is a sculpture, not a painting, but c’mon. This statue literally inspires sin. It’s like something off the cover of a romance novel for lapsed Catholics.
