Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

One’s held the crown for far too long
Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

The numbers 1 to 10 have a natural numerical order, obviously. One that, in my eyes, doesnt accurately reflect how cool those numbers are. If I were given a chance to reorder them by how sick they are, and destroy our entire modern mathematical system in the process, heres what I would do…

Nine

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Ooh, do I hate a 9. Both visually and functionally, its nothing but anxiety-inducing. The appearance is top-heavy and unstable, like if Richard Serra designed a number. In use, has anyone ever seen a 9 and not felt a deep guttural anger and urge for it to simply become a 10? A psychological war that has been weaponized against consumers in the form of .99 pricing that feeds the scourge of the penny for far too long. 9 is an agent of chaos and a creator of evil.

One

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Had 9 not so thoroughly crapped the bed, 1 would have easily brought up the rear. Its just a highly obnoxious number. The number of egotists and petulant children. Its so little of something, yet for some reason seems to think its the king of numbers. “But without 1, no other numbers would exist, the nerds cry, and I plug my ears. If all of mathematics worked in multiples of two, things would be mostly fine in my head, and neater.

Three

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

I like the three. Its just, fittingly enough, a bit of an odd man out. The number 3, the triangles it creates with their trademark sides and vertices, theyre all cool, but they dont play well with others. Three of something feels like too much and too little at the same time. Its like the friend thats really fun, but you always have to apologize for.

Four

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Im just not a big fan for myriad reasons. First, it cant seem to pick a single way that it should be written or drawn, which is insecurity in the guise of flexibility. Its also an unfulfilling number, as it feels like a lot of the time, with 4, you kind of wish youd just round it out at 5.

Ten

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

I feel that this one may be controversial. This is the number that makes the entire metric system possible, after all. Too bad I learned American math, and theres no love lost there. My problem is that, in the race with single digits, it just feels a little like a mess. Its a bit unseemly and gluttonous in their company, to be honest. If we were talking 10 to 20? It would be on the podium for sure. But its in the wrong weight class here.

Seven

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

This is a number thats got a serious rift between aesthetics and usefulness. Very form over function, in my opinion. Its a fancy little number, perhaps too fancy in my opinion. Its also the only number with an optional little accessory in the form of a crossbar. Its got the casino connection going for it as well, and the connection to 21, which is an undeniable powerhouse. My problem comes to real-life application. In the flesh, its an absurdly annoying number, one that just seems to refuse to play nice with others. Like a beautiful dog with behavioral problems.

Five

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Visually, its interesting but a little unwieldy in my eyes. One too many corners and curves, like its trying just a bit too hard. Incredibly useful, though, and always a satisfying number of something to see. You could argue 10 should be above 5, but I think that 5 is the unsung hero that allows 10 to thrive.

Eight

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Theres a reason the 8-ball is go-to cool imagery. As a simple design, the 8 was far ahead of its time. Easily divisible into multiple portions, easily divisible into two circles, its just an incredibly laid-back number. Just watch out for someone with two of them tattooed together — theyre probably extremely unchill.

Two

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Love a good 2. None of the big-headedness of one, yet a number of supreme confidence. Visually stunning, utilitarian with a bit of flair and room for customization. The number of true love, to boot. It makes even more perfect sense that it lines up with itself in this list, because it is zen in number form.

Six

Ranking the Numbers One to Ten From One to Ten

Pixabay

Six, to me, is really just an unbeatable number in so many ways. First of all, incredibly pleasing to the eye. It just looks so satisfied, and by extension, so satisfying. Its got the connection to the devil, which rocks. Its also a great number of something to have, five with one to spare. You may want to argue about its preferential placement compared to the similar number 9, but Id argue that youvre being an asshole and purposefully obtuse. “If a 6 was upside down it would be a 9" — well, if my grandma had wheels, shed be a bicycle.

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