15 Record-Breaking Milestones in the History of Capitalism
Money is pretty gross — it has a tendency to bring out the absolute worst in people, making them forego decency, morals and, well, everything that makes them who they are. It’s far, far too powerful, influencing every decision we ever make, whether directly or indirectly. There are super-wealthy people who make more money every day than those at the other end of the scale make in their entire lives, and of course, the more money you have, the more you make — beyond a certain point of wealth, it all just automatically snowballs without you having to do very much, and you make huge amounts of money by having huge amounts of money. Iiiiiiit’s grotesque!
And while money in its everyday form is grim enough, it’s when it gets to real extremes that it becomes truly disgusting — the shameless, ugly behavior of the super-rich. The kind of people who just couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of not having something they wanted, or of washing their own clothes, or looking after their own children. Gross, nasty assholes. Viva la revolution. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!
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Millions and Billions
The first American millionaire was John Jacob Astor, around 1820. The first billionaire, John D. Rockefeller, had a thousand times more money less than a hundred years later, in 1916. He was worth about 2 percent of the entire U.S. economy at the time.
A Big Afternoon by Any Metric
The biggest single transaction ever was the acquisition of Mannesmann AG by Vodafone Air Touch PLC in 1999, which cost $202.8 billion. Imagine doing that on your banking app — you’d be shaking like a shitting dog.
The Good Stuff for When We Have Company
The most money ever spent on a bottle of wine is $558,000, paid at a 2018 Sotheby’s auction for Domaine de la Romanée Conti 1945. Is it as nice as a cold Pepsi though?
Nice Place, Be a Shame If Something Happened to It
The most valuable home in the world is thought to be Buckingham Palace, valued at around $4.9 billion. The most expensive built recently is Antilia, the $2 billion, 27-floor home of Mumbai’s richest family, with space for 600 staff.
My Dad Worked Hard for This
Mukesh Ambani, owner of the world’s most valuable home, inherited a $94.6 billion fortune. His net worth is currently $91.2 billion. Feels like if you lose three billion dollars you shouldn’t still be rich, right?
For Dessert, You Can Put Someone Through College
There is a chocolate pudding on sale at the Lindeth House Hotel in the U.K. that costs $35,000 and comes with a diamond on top. If there were any justice in the world, anyone who ordered it would have their head immediately chopped off.
Nice Threads, Shame About All the People Dying in Diamond Mines
In 2009, a $30 million dress known as the Nightingale of Kuala Lumpur was designed by Faisal Abdullah. It’s covered in diamonds — just the ass bit of the dress is worth more than most people’s entire lives.
More Than Un Oeuf
There’s an omelette on sale in Norma’s restaurant in Le Parker Meridien Hotel in Manhattan that costs $2,000. It’s called the Zillion Dollar Lobster Frittata and your body turns it into shit.
Making the Dollar Menu Look Cheap
If you’re a true dickhead, you can spend 5,000 Euros ($5,227) on a burger. The Golden Boy, from De Dalton’s in the Netherlands, includes Beluga caviar, king crab, white truffles and barbecue sauce made with expensive Scotch.
Bet You Earn a Crust
If you ever find yourself in Salerno, Italy with a hunger on, a heavy wallet and a head full of rocks, you can spend $9,250 on a pizza. Not even a big one — it’s only eight inches in diameter, so you’ll want to hit the salad bar (not included).
It Ain’t About the Paint
In 2017, a painting named Salvator Mundi that may or may not be by Leonardo da Vinci sold for $450.3 million. There’s no consensus at all it was by him — it might have been farted together by one of his pupils — but rich people don’t give a shit!
Be Born into Money, Live Better
The Walton family, owners of Walmart, managed to lose $11 billion in 2022 and still be the richest family on Earth, with a net worth of $238.5 billion. So, they pissed away more than the annual GDP of Guadeloupe and are still worth more than God.
Wheely Expensive
Want some new wheels? The most expensive new car available is the Rolls-Royce Boat Tail, for a mere $28 million. It has two fridges and a Mont Blanc pen in the glove box, but there’s jack shit in terms of trunk space, it’s useless for moving house.
Wheely, Wheely Expensive
The most ever paid for a car, though, remains the 135 million Euros ($142.6 million) paid for a Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupé from 1955 by some chucklehead.
Musk Be Nice
Elon Musk is currently the richest person in the world, with a net worth of $247.2 billion. That’s insane — if he gave each of his friends $247.2 billion, he’d still have $247.2 billion.
