34 Hilariously Embarrassing Things People Did While on Autopilot

This one goes out to the person who said ‘Love you’ to the Panera cashier
34 Hilariously Embarrassing Things People Did While on Autopilot

Going on autopilot saves our big, beautiful brains when completing repetitive, everyday tasks. The problem is, disengaging and relying on reflexive action can sometimes go awry — the person who accidentally starts unzipping their pants while walking to the bathroom at work knows a little something about this. 

Below, we gathered some of the most embarrassing times Redditors went on autopilot in the wrong place, at the wrong time. May the rest of us learn from their zoned-out mistakes.

DeepBreathing4Me 4y I was sitting in math class one day, and I was just humming to myself while the teacher explained something at the board. She went to turn off the projector, which is next to my desk. Then, still standing next to me, she gives me this weird look and asks, is something wrong? I had been so deep in thought that I had lost the tune but kept humming, so I was now just humming a long, low hmmmmmmmmm without any change in pitch. So yeah. That was embarrassing. ... 12.9k
superpie5 . . 4y I work with preschoolers and we sing songs to help them wash their hands, and I started singing the same song when I went out with some friends to a bar.
SJExit4 . 4y I had recently been attending a lot of marital arts classes at night. One morning at work I accidentally bowed at my boss when I entered his office. This was in the US, neither of us are of Asian descent, and yes he noticed. It was awkward. ... 17.7k
BananaVanillaLatte . 4y I tried putting the milk bottle back in the microwave then got mad when it didn't fit. I only stopped trying cause my brother was there watching and he start laughing. ... 20.3k
Squeakies . 4y Sometimes in the shower I fill my mouth up with water and just kind of let it pour out. Was brushing my teeth standing in the bathroom one day, fully dressed before work. I just let the toothpaste pour slowly out of my mouth and onto my clothes as if were in the shower... now every time I brush my teeth my boyfriend warns me not to spit all over myself. ... 12.4k
supertucci 4y I lived in the same house for 16 years. Moved out. Years later I did some summer work as a construction worker....on MY old house! First day I walked in, mindlessly did what I ALWAYS did when I came in , waltzed Into the kitchen during the family's breakfast, opened the fridge and peered inside for a long while looking for something to eat. I came to myself (dude I don't live here anymore), looked up, and the family was all staring at me from the breakfast table, forks in mid air. At this unknown construction worker making himself
Catsrecliner1 . 4y My wife says she once ate pizza at a friend's house and, out of habit, threw the crust on the floor for the dog. Those friends didn't have a dog. ... 7.8k
4y ... Woke up. Automatically got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, packed up my backpack, headed out of my dorm, happened to glance at the clock in the lounge. It was 1:30 am. 4.3k Reply
unfit_spartan_baby . 3 3y I slapped a 60 something year old teachers ass because he was wearing the same kind of jeans as one of my friends. We just kind of looked at each other and haven't said a word about it since ... 2
Kiedgendary . 4y At the gym, there is an arm curl machine. Typically I do a heavy amount, but that day I was tired and pretty brain dead. As I used the machine, I didn't realise that there was no weight on it, and I tried curling it with effort as normal. I ended up slamming myself in the head with the bar, and everyone in the gym heard it..
Bunnyjets . . 4y I was talking to my boyfriend while he was eating a sandwich. In mid sentence, he ripped a piece off and threw it at my face. Не looked stunned when I didn't open my mouth and catch it (we have a dog) We both nearly pee'd laughing ... 5.2k
punkterminator . . 4y During Halloween, a child came to my door and said trick-or-treat, and for some fucking reason I replied with welcome to ! How can I help you? ... 864
LegendOfBobbyTables 4y I kissed my wife's best friend. It was totally innocent and something we laughed about. I had to take a bus to work everyday at about 4 am. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn't have to leave my car there for 14 hours. My wife's friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways so she decided she would take me and let my wife sleep. When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed
xgonegiveit2ya . 4y I was getting my car out of the parking lot, heading back home after a loooong day. Shortly after I started driving, I passed by a car that is identical to mine and thought cool, I found the car i got out of the car to go to the other car. Halfway through I noticed that wtf I am doing, looked around hoping to God that no one saw me, and then went back on my merry way. Wasn't a proud moment lol ... 13.2k
jimkaxon1.4 4y Knocked on an open door for the bathroom ... 5.8k
keeping_on . 204d Licked the remote because I forgot which hand my ice cream cone was in ... 4
_Codrut_ . 4y I was reading when the sun got covered by some clouds so obviously the light got dimmer so i i tried to tap the book like a phone in order to make it brighter :/ ... 16
Toby95 . 3y Wasn't funny at the time, but I decided to grab the pizza tray out of the oven that had been on for half an hour, using my bare hand... ... 3
553211 Зу This happened whwn i was a kid but I was sleeping on the couch and my dad woke me up to go to my room. I then proceeded to enter the kitchen open the fridge and piss in it. I didnt even finish in the fridge I left the kitchen and finished on the carpet on the steps. ... 5
LadyGruntfuttock.44 Started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. Except I was at work and was walking through the shared office ... 2.4k
axladrian 4y Put my bluetooth headphones in the freezer to charge. Wanted to go to work with the car, but forgot to turn the engine on. I stood there for 10 minutes trying to figure it out. A neighbour even came to help me and didn't see the problem. ... 1.4k
ChaoticRift 4y My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food, she starts wagging and doing the tippy-taps, get a scoop of food, and instead of going to her bowl I dump the full scoop into the trash can. She then just looked at me with the saddest eyes and I felt terrible, so she got a little bit extra food and some pets. ... 3.7k
Etchisketchistan 4y I used to work at the airport, and got used to yelling the word 'Next please!' a lot. One week, I was working really long shifts, and was pretty tired. I decided to stop at McDonalds on my way home from work and went through the drive through. When I stopped to tell them my order, I yelled 'NEXT PLEASE!' into the speaker. ... 418
PineappleArts. 4y I once tried to zoom in on a paper when I wanted to fix a tiny detail in my drawing. I was very tired mind you, but that was still sort of funny to me because I did it like four to five times before realizing wait this isn't my phone. ... 403
daiye99 . . 4y One morning I was sick and stayed home from work. My wife was being really awesome and served me breakfast. Trying to show her how thankful I was I said Thanks Mom. We both just stared at each other for a second then burst out laughing. ... 1.2k
shhhushnow . 4y I used to work on a farm & we always took our boots off before entering the homestead for meal breaks. One afternoon I absent-mindedly unbuttoned my jeans and started to take them off instead of my boots. I guess my brain decided I was done for the day! ... 29.1k
Twokindsofpeople • . 4y have a good day sir. Love you too. Awkward shuffle out of Panera. ... 27.5k
lamabrewer . . 4y Was taking my belt off at the TSA and then pulled down my pants, got to my ankles and was like, поре, back up! ... 10k
LosingLungs . 4y Always running to catch the subway after waiting at the crosswalk in front of the station. Casually walking with my friend in the same area yesterday. Started running when the cross sign lit up. Не was like wtf? ... 18.2k
SavageJeph . 4y Go to check the mail, grab the keys, oh yeah! there is garbage/recycling that needs to go out, I stop at mailbox, I get mail, throw away the garbage, throw away the mail, throw away my keys... Neighbor asks if I am going to need those, I just kind of stop, look around a bit and say Well, yeah, probably ... 2.8k
Tink_650 . 4 4y Slipknor I'm an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car... .. 26.9k
MEG4NTRON . 4y The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink...and proceeded to flood my kitchen. 26k
Portarossa . 4y I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days' worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I'd be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy. I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that motherfucker down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine. Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink. ... 14.6k
iamambience . 4y Saying goodbye to my aunt at her husbands funeral, and accidentally said yeah it was fun, when she said thanks for coming. ... 1k
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