14 World Records for Being Bad at Stuff
Imagine being so bad at driving, it can be statistically proven that you’re the worst in human history.
The Worst Actors
In 2004, Ben Stiller racked up five Razzie nominations for Along Came Polly, Anchorman, Dodgeball, Envy and Starsky & Hutch. In 2007, Eddie Murphy tied his record, with five nominations for Norbert.
The Worst at Money
Elon Musk has lost somewhere around $134 billion this year alone, and that’s only the second biggest loss of personal wealth in history. He set the record in 2023, after a backslide of Tesla stock value lost him $182 billion. The second-place loser lost a paltry $50 billion, for reference.
The Worst Start to a Sports Franchise
When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers joined the NFL in 1976, they kicked off their legacy with 26 consecutive losses.
The Worst Stadium Architect
A wooden amphitheater collapsed during a gladiator battle in 27 A.D., killing anywhere from 20,000 to 50,000 spectators, making it the deadliest known sports disaster in history.
The Worst Marriage
In 2019, a couple in Kuwait got divorced three minutes after they got married. The bride tripped on the way out of the room, the groom called her “stupid” and the judge dissolved their marriage on the spot.
The Worst Video Game Dialogue
It shows up on so many Worst-Of lists that Guinness made it official on their website: the worst dialogue of all time is Resident Evil’s “Here’s a lockpick. It might be handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you.”
The Worst Example of No Good Deed Goes Undone
In 2001, an EMT named Matthew McKnight exited his ambulance to help handle a collision on a highway, and was struck by a car going 70 miles per hour. He survived (after months of rehab), and was informed by his doctor that he’d been found 118 feet away from the point of impact — the longest someone had ever been launched by a car.
The Worst Driver
A Scottish man named John Hogg racked up over 40 driving offenses, and was banned from driving for over 700 years. In a single offense (drunk driving a stolen car while banned from driving), he got three of five lifetime bans.
The Worst Pedestrian
A woman in the U.K. became the first pedestrian killed by a car in 1896, when she stepped out in front of a vehicle that was moving at four miles per hour during a demonstration.
The Worst at Having the Longest Fingernails
Lee Redmond grew her fingernails for 30 years, and set the world record for longest nails (over 28 feet combined). Unfortunately, she also set the record for longest nails broken by a car accident, when she was thrown 25 feet from a vehicle. She survived, but her nails didn’t: “The first thing I spotted was a fingernail.” (To be fair, no one caught up to her for about 10 years, so she’s kind of the best at having the longest fingernails.)
The Worst at Having Blood
An unidentified Polish man died after drunkenly driving into a tree, after which his BAC was measured at a world-record 1.48. That means over one percent of his blood was straight-up booze. The legal limit for driving in the U.S. is .08 percent, while death is “likely” if you hit .5 percent.
The Worst at Having Genitals
Martial artist Kirby Roy trained his groin the way MMA fighters train their knuckles and shins, by repeatedly injuring it until the nerve endings were shot and the bone underneath became tougher than a brick. He took a 1,100-pound kick to the nards to break the record for strongest kick to the groin.
The Worst Rabbit Owner
In 1895, some chud accidentally released 24 imported rabbits in Victoria, Australia, kicking off the worst rabbit-related disaster in history. By 1951, the population of this invasive species ballooned to 600 million. A disease swept through the rabbit population that year, killing 90 percent of them and leaving behind a population of disease-proof bunnies. There are still about 400 million in the area, doing $100 million in property damage every year.
The Worst Day of the Week
Guinness’ Twitter account officially declared Monday the worst day of the week in 2022.
