5 Ancient Entertainment Events That Would Still Make for A Pretty Good Saturday
With consciousness comes, inevitably, boredom. Even living in much rougher times than the present, people still needed hits of dopamine. Arguably, more so. I think, if time travel was possible, the least we could do for people suffering from the Black Plague would be to let them watch The Wire while they succumb.
Which isn’t to say that ancient people didn’t have their own excellent forms of entertainment. In fact, here are five I’d be perfectly happy to make part of any of my weekends…
Jousting
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I know you can still see a version of it at renaissance faires and Medieval Times, but I want the full-speed version. It’s like the best bit of American Gladiators, except also on horses. If I existed at the same time as real, serious jousts, I’d be at every home game, absolutely zooted off strong mead.
Tlachtli
The actual second-to-second sport activity of the Aztec sport Tlachtli, also known as simply “ball game,” is less intense. Opposing teams used their elbows, knees and/or hips to hopefully knock a rubber ball through a wall-mounted circle. What made it appointment viewing? The immense amount of violence involved, both during and after the game. There was plenty of blood spilled on the court, all in an attempt to minimize the chances of the other team knocking the ball through the hole.
That seems over-the-top, until you realize that the losing team was possibly ritually sacrificed. With that in mind, sure, you’re going to throw a few elbows.
Naval Battles in the Flooded Colosseum
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At first, the tales of the Romans flooding the Colosseum to hold mock naval battles sounds like someone got multiple pages of their history book confused. It does seem to have been a genuine event, though. The ships were smaller, given that the water was fairly shallow, but if that’s a deal-breaker for you, you’re going to be disappointed by a lot of things in life. As to why I’d like to see it? If I have to explain that, you need to explain to me what exactly it is you consider cool.
Chariot Races
Even when it was bone-dry as per normal, I would have been a Colosseum season ticket holder. Chariot races, for example? Seem like a phenomenal thing to spectate with one of those ceramic jugs full of wine. If people can enjoy NASCAR, I have to think that chariot races would still be a cultural dynamo today.
Seeing a Woolly Mammoth
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Okay, admittedly, this wasn’t as much of a scheduled event for humans of old, but still. Getting even a single glimpse of one of these bad boys would make me consider it a good year. It’s probably too much to hope for petting, much less riding one, given their ease of crushing human bones, but a boy can dream, can’t he?
