Steve Martin Hilariously Convinced Theater Owners to Show ‘The Jerk’
Way back in the day, it wasn’t enough to market new comedies to movie-goers via posters, trailers and talk-show appearances. Comedy stars also tried to convince theater owners that their new movies would be huge hits. For example, look no further than Steve Martin talking directly to the camera in a short film marked “For Theater Owners Only,” attempting to convince movie bookers that his new comedy The Jerk would be a massive smash.
It’s vintage Martin in his trademark white tuxedo, tongue firmly in cheek as he piles on the bullshit. “Hi theater owners,” he says with a car salesman’s grin. “There's a picture coming out directed by Carl Reiner, starring myself, Steve Martin. It’s called The Jerk. I just want to let you know we’re going to hype the hell out of this thing. It’s going to be a real money maker for all of us if we cooperate.”
Martin’s new movie had everything that ticket-buying morons could possibly want. “It’s got the chase scene. It’s got the karate fight. It’s got the blue language they love so much. It’s got the double entendre — the adults get it, the kids don’t, everybody goes out happy. Plus, we stuck in a phony disco song, and they’ll all go out whistling it at the end like a bunch of idiots.”
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Theater owners still not convinced? Martin and Reiner cooked up a great new scheme to help them make even more money. “This is a first. We intentionally stuck in a boring part in the middle just for you theater owners about an hour into the picture. They’re gonna be out buying your popcorn in droves,” Martin promised. The lines would be so long, in fact, that the owners would need to hire more staff to handle the extra demand.
“You’re welcome,” Martin said, flashing an okay sign. “Gift from Steve.”
But wait, he wasn’t done yet! Martin knew how much reviews drove the movie business, and he promised a hundred four-star raves were on the way. How could he be so confident? “We took care of it,” he said, holding up a wad of bills. “The old cashola.”
Reiner’s son, Rob Reiner, must have learned a few things from the old man because he made a similar trailer just for theater owners a couple of years later for This Is Spinal Tap. Like Martin, Reiner tells theater owners he understands they need to sell popcorn. “So forget themes, forget relationships. We’ve got sex, we’ve got nudity. There’s a naked groupie in this picture with enormous breasts, big nipples,” he guaranteed. “Sensational!”
“We’ve got rock ‘n’ roll. The kids eat that shit up, they love rock ‘n’ roll,” Reiner pitched. “They’ll come back a hundred times.”
Unfortunately, the younger Reiner said, he didn’t have a clip from Spinal Tap to show yet. So instead, he offered promotional footage from Denmark’s Cheese Festival, “a joyous celebration of cheese.”
