Kevin Nealon Roasts Conan O’Brien About His Mark Twain Prize
The comedy stars bowed down at the funny feet of Conan O’Brien last weekend as he received the prestigious Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Adam Sandler, for example, recalled the moment when he heard O’Brien would be taking over the late-night slot once held by David Letterman. “Right when they said Conan, I swear to God — every fucking guy, every comedian — there was no jealousy. We were like, ‘Fuck yeah! He’s the best, man!’ We loved you. You’re faster than all of us. You’re nicer than all of us. And I’m so happy this life was yours, buddy.”
Sarah Silverman lovingly remembered her many appearances on Conan’s show. “Each time, it was just such a magical experience, you know,” she said. “It's like a first date with someone who’s so funny and so charming that you kind of trick yourself into thinking they’re hot.”
But not all comedians are so impressed. Kevin Nealon tried to set the record straight this week on the Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend podcast. While congratulating O’Brien, he reminded his old Saturday Night Live colleague that the Mark Twain honor was a prize, not an award. “Seriously, a prize is like a Cracker Jack toy, am I right?” Nealon asked. “It’s a prize. Don’t get all excited.”
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“You’re such an asshole,” giggled O’Brien, imagining himself as a prize pig wearing a ribbon.
“We’ve had a good run, man,” Nealon said. “I worked hard. You got lucky.”
“I think you believe that,” responded Conan.
“I think you open yourself up to luck,” Nealon clarified. “And boy, did you get it.”
Despite O’Brien’s alleged lack of humor, Nealon also chastised him for not being in touch with his sadder emotions. Conan admitted he rarely cries, beginning a story about a youth wrestling accident when his elbow got bent backwards.
“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz,” snored Nealon, tranquilized by the mind-numbing banality of O’Brien’s tale.
“You tricked me into telling a real story about my childhood and my mom, and then you totally torpedoed me!” accused O’Brien, red with laughter.
After everyone insisted that O’Brien finish his story, the Mark Twain Prize winner tried again, but he didn’t get far. “Losing interest,” warned Nealon.
The punchline: Conan’s mom knew it was serious when her son cried, which he never did. A trip to the hospital revealed a shattered elbow.
Nealon was unimpressed. “Are you okay with me telling that story to other people?” he asked, sarcasm dripping into the podcast microphone. “It’s such a good story.”
Feeling guilty, Nealon tried to end the podcast on a sincere moment of appreciation for O’Brien. “People love you,” he said. “Do you know the most watched Hiking with Kevin on YouTube is Conan O’Brien? You are so famous, and I think about this a lot. When I go places, I don’t get recognized. I think, ‘Conan would get recognized here.’ You can go to Finland, you can go to China, and they know who you are. Is it hard to be that popular… for no reason?”
Conan could only put his head in his hands. “I don’t know why I keep having you back.”
