5 Songs Everyone Incorrectly Thinks Are About Sex
Just about all art boils down to bonin’ down, so it’s not surprising that the pop music canon is little more than a collection of double entendres. Some of you have the minds of middle schoolers updating Urban Dictionary, however, inventing weird sex stuff where it doesn’t exist.
‘Every Morning’ by Sugar Ray
Since at least 2012, listeners have been claiming with utmost sincerity that the “halo” that hangs from the corner of Sugar Ray’s girlfriend’s four-post bed is actually a condom, with BuzzFeed going so far as to insist the song is about pegging. This confuses songwriter Mark McGarth, who huffed in 2022, “I made my statement about it, it’s absolutely not about pegging. It’s not about a used condom. Get your minds out of the gutter. It’s just a little innocent song about the innocence of your partner and temptation.” Most importantly, it’s a perfect song for Harrison Ford to dance to.
‘Turning Japanese’ by the Vapors
People with strange ideas about both masturbation and Asian facial features believe “turning Japanese” refers to the faces one makes during the former, but Vapors songwriter Dave Fenton just “woke up at 4 a.m. with the words ‘Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese’ in my head.” He went on to explain that “the words and the song’s title didn’t really mean much,” and “‘Turning Japanese’ is all the clichés about angst and youth and turning into something you didn’t expect to.” That’s gibberish, but at least it’s not racist.
‘Push It’ by Salt-N-Pepa
“Push It” definitely sounds like the “it” is a dong into a hole, but do you actually remember any of the words? Like, beyond “Ooh, baby, baby,” “get up on this” and “p-push it real good”? Take a look — they’re about dancing. “For 30 years, we have been telling people that ‘Push It’ isn’t about sex, but no one ever believes us,” Pepa explained in 2017. “Honestly, for us, as young girls, it was about dancing.” If anything, it’s more appropriately applied to the result of sex. “It’s a very popular song in maternity wards,” Salt added.
‘Blister in the Sun’ by the Violent Femmes
When fans started telling songwriter Gordon Gano that his most popular song is about masturbation, he says, “I had never thought of that … but I can see where people could get that idea.” It’s the “Body and beats, I stain my sheets” part, and to be fair, that’s never really been explained. But no, he says, the song is quite clearly about that other stalwart of rock and roll: drugs. “I’m so strung out”? “I’m high as a kite”? It’s not subtle.
‘YMCA’ by the Village People
Former Village Person Victor Willis (the cop, fittingly) desperately needs you to know that “YMCA” isn’t about anything more than getting together with your straight friends to play sports straightly, and if you imply it is, he might sue you. Of course, Willis wasn’t the only one who wrote the song. Randy Jones (the cowboy) said he inspired co-writer Jacques Morali by taking him to the local Y and introducing him to the gay porn stars who worked out there. “I mean, look at us,” David Hodo (the construction worker) said, not in an Onion article. “We were a gay group. ‘YMCA’ certainly has a gay origin.”
We’re calling it: Everyone knows what Victor Willis’ song is about except Victor Willis.
