Here Are the Funniest Wrong Answers to Jeff Bezos’ Question, ‘Who’d You Pick As the Next Bond?’
Following extensive negotiations, Amazon has finally wrested full control of the James Bond film franchise away from its long-time custodians. Sarah Squirm, clear your schedule.
In a deeply ironic turn of events, the movie empire based on Ian Fleming’s iconic espionage novels now belongs entirely to the most James-Bond-villain-y man in entertainment, Amazon founder and media magnate Jeff Bezos. The former richest man in the world assumed full control of the Bond franchise after Barbara Broccoli, who inherited the series from her producer legend father Albert, finally gave in to Amazon following decades of strict and careful stewardship of the esteemed media brand. After previously chafing at Amazon’s plans to spin off Bond into several television shows, Broccoli and her brother Michael G. Wilson agreed on a new Bond power structure that would keep them on as co-owners but give Amazon and Bezos complete creative control.
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Under Broccoli’s leadership, the Bond films featured some of the most competitive and protected casting processes in Hollywood. But with the makers of Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power running the show, anything can happen with the franchise’s future cast lists. For instance, maybe Johnny English was just an extended screen test:
The overwhelming non-joke response to Bezos’ semi-official fan poll is that Amazon Prime members want The Witcher and Man of Steel star Henry Cavill to play code name 007 in the many movies and shows that Amazon will crank out now that the Bond franchise is finally off of its famously short leash. And, considering that Amazon is the home of Cavill’s current passion project, a series adaptation of the Warhammer 40,000 fantasy universe, it wouldn’t be hard to get him and Bezos in a room together talking turkey over a couple of shaken martinis.
But by far the biggest concern for Bond fans (or, at least, Bezos fans) that arose when the Amazon don opened the floor for requests for his newest multi-billion-dollar plaything is that the Trump-aligned Bezos will somehow make the decision to go “DEI,” and the new James Bond will be anything besides a straight white man with a drinking problem and a talent for banging supermodels shortly before their demise.
Well, if the conservative-leaning business giant does decide to cast a woke woman of color to replace Daniel Craig, might I suggest former Vice President Kamala Harris? God knows she doesn’t have any other gigs right now.
