Five Hilariously Inaccurate Abraham Lincoln Impressions
This President’s Day, you may feel a desire to honor our country’s most impactful and memorable heads of state like, say, Abraham Lincoln. If that’s the case, I suggest watching Steven Spielberg’s masterful biopic Lincoln, starring Daniel Day-Lewis in a stunningly accurate portrayal of our outstanding 16th president.
If, however, you’d rather leave historical accuracy to the nerds, check out these perfectly terrible portrayals of Lincoln instead. You won’t learn anything about history, but that never stopped you four score and seven years ago now did it?
Robotic Abe Lincoln from ‘The Simpsons’
When Bart and Lisa Simpson’s Aunt Selma takes them to the Duff Gardens amusement park, they visit Duff’s Beer Hall of Presidents, a take on Disney’s Hall of Presidents. The star attraction is a robotic Lincoln who beatboxes and raps about how delicious Duff beer is before crushing a can against his metal skull. In truth, while Lincoln wasn’t a teetotaler, he also wasn’t known to shotgun tallboys or drop sick beats.
Robot Lincoln from ‘Muppets Tonight’
In the short-lived 1990s sketch show Muppets Tonight, the lab-coated, green-skinned Dr. Bunsen Honeydew revives the esteemed leader who ended the South’s succession and issued the Emancipation Proclamation as a robot muppet. Things quickly go awry when Lincoln malfunctions and attacks Beaker and the other muppets. Fortunately, host Paula Abdul saves the day with a rendition of “Lean On,” which inspires Abe to join in the singing. In real life, Lincoln may have led the country through the Civil War, safeguarded our constitutional union and pushed for the end of slavery, but he sure as hell couldn't carry a tune.
Bob Newhart’s ‘Abe Lincoln vs Madison Avenue’
In this classic one-sided phone call, Bob Newhart plays a slick political advisor strategizing with a very dumb Lincoln — albeit never seen or heard — on what to say during his Gettysburg Address. From the opening line (“Hi Abe, sweetheart, how are you, kid?”) to the exasperated comments (“Abe, do the speech the way Charlie wrote it, would ya?”), this bit is one of Newhart’s best.
Heckler Abe from ‘The Whitest Kids U’ Know’
Although the Kentucky-born president was known to be genial and polite, Lincoln is depicted as an obnoxious heckler in this classic sketch from The Whitest Kids U’ Know. In it, Abe repeatedly interrupts a play by telling the star to “watch out” when he’s in danger and asking the actors to “rewind” after he misses something. Also in attendance is John Wilkes Booth, who tells Abe to shut up, starting a brawl that eventually ends with — you guessed it — Lincoln’s assassination in the theater.
Gilbert Gottfried in ‘A Million Ways to Die in the West’
Lincoln’s voice has often been depicted as deep and booming, but contemporary accounts suggest he actually sounded high-pitched and shrill. Regardless, he definitely didn’t sound like Gilbert Gottfried’s portrayal in Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West. As a whole, this try-hard comedy-western is a painfully unfunny comedy desert, but Gottfried’s 30 seconds as Lincoln provides an oasis of laughs.
