Tom Brady Proved During the Super Bowl That He's Still Terrible at Comedy Roasts
In the Comedy Roast Super Bowl, Tom Brady is the Kansas City Chiefs and Kevin Hart is the Philadelphia Eagles. In other words — it wasn’t even close, brother.
As host of Brady’s Netflix roast — one that the Hall of Fame quarterback says he now regrets — Hart showed no mercy for the man of the hour, calling Joe Montana the greatest quarterback of all time. But that insult was just a kiss on the cheek compared to what Hart had coming up next:
- “You’re saying, ‘Guys, why didn’t we go to the Crypto.com Arena downtown?’ The reason why we didn’t go there is because we didn’t wanna remind Tom’s fans of how much money he owes them. He fucked those people. Tom fucked those people.”
- “It’s been two years since Tom’s gotten divorced, right? Since then, Tom has been fucking. Yeah, that’s right. Tom’s been putting that 2-inch tool to work.”
- “By the way, single life is what you deserve because you had no choice. Gisele gave you a ultimatum. Gisele said, “You retire or we’re done.” Let me tell you something — when you got a chance to go 8-9, and all it will cost you is your wife and your kids, you gotta do what the fuck you gotta do, do you understand me?”
Whoa! Hart brought Brady’s ex-wife and current kids into the arena? No wonder Brady was pissed afterward — and why he set out for sweet, sweet revenge in front of 113 million people during the Super Bowl broadcast.
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Once the camera cut to a shot of Hart cheering on the Eagles, Brady was ready. He’d had about eight months to work on his return insults. Time to bring out the big guns.
BRADY: Kevin Hart's here?
KEVIN BURKHARDT: Yeah.
BRADY: How do the cameras find Kevin Hart?
Play-by-play man Burkhardt didn’t quite know how to respond to the world’s worst short-guy joke, finally chuckling, “Depends on the day, I guess.” Translation: Let’s move on before you embarrass yourself further.
After firing his insult water pistol, Brady let everyone know he was just kidding. “Kevin, I love you,” he backtracked. “You took so many shots at me in May. I'm coming right at you.”
PEOPLE went nuts for the lukewarm, might-need-to-explain-it joke, headlining “Tom Brady Brutally Roasts Kevin Hart During Live Super Bowl Broadcast.” Brutally roasts? What did PEOPLE call it when Hart fired this grenade Brady’s way last summer?
“You fucked your coach. But let me tell you something, people. That’s what you gotta do to maintain your happiness. You sometimes got to fuck your coach. You know who else fucked that coach? Gisele. She fucked that karate man. I mean, Jesus Christ, Tom. One of the smartest quarterbacks to ever play the game. How did you not see this coming? Eight fucking karate classes a day. Eight karate classes a day, and she’s still a white belt. The only bruises she have are on her ass.”
You want to bury your opponent? Hart showed Brady how it’s done.
