5 Reasons We Cannot Let Kendrick Lamar Bring Back Bootcut Jeans
In what’s surely a sign of a Super Bowl that lived up to the hype, one of the only enduring bits of discussion about it today is related to the halftime performer’s pants. Kendrick Lamar entertained the world in a pair of decidedly throwback jeans, specifically their cut. His jeans were in a style that’s been the domain of the poorly-dressed for about a decade now: the bootcut jean.
In fact, they were so dramatic you could call them bell-bottoms or flares, but I think the variation most in danger of him bringing back is the bootcut.
Don't Miss
So, for those too young to know, or for those who have forgotten, here’s why that simply cannot happen...
Puddles
Shutterstock
As anyone who’s ever been caught in the rain knows, denim is a fabric adept at retaining water. Jeans aren’t a featherweight khaki or a T-shirt that dries with a quick stint close to a radiator either, but something you could wring half a koi pond out of a day later. That also means that it doesn’t take much more than a block or two after a spring rain for the back hem of bootcut jeans to have soaked up a half-gallon of muddy street water as they brush the pavement.
Destroyed Hems
Shutterstock
That low-to-the-ground hem also leads to another problem: between friction and constantly flat-tiring yourself, your jean legs will inevitably be ground to shreds. Lamar’s jeans might look neat, but that’s because they came straight out of a stylist’s hands and onto his body, totally pristine. Within a week, the back of his legs is going to look like a torn dreamcatcher.
The Swishing
Shutterstock
If you went to high school in the mid-aughts, you probably remember the constant, low-level drone of jean swishing. Whether it was between classes in the hallway, or as a classmate hustled his Rock & Republics up to the blackboard, the swishing never ceased — a very specific, rough sort of swish, like you were working next door to a car wash.
Escalator Safety
Shutterstock
Escalators are foot-level heavy machinery, and as far as heavy machinery goes, loose clothing is always a no-no. It’s not hard to see why pants with swinging, frayed ends and escalators aren’t a match made in heaven. Sure, a lot more people online shop now, but if even one consumer is pulled into the mechanical guts of an escalator? That’s too many.
The Insane Sensation Combination
Shutterstock
Lastly, I issue you nothing more than a fair warning. Which is that bootcut jeans feel somewhat insane to actually have on. The true ones are tight down to the knee, and flare out from there. It’s a confusing sensation, and is really, in any way beyond sartorially, the worst of both worlds.
