In the Interest of Poor Taste, Here Are Five Hot Air Balloon Accidents That Are at Least A Little Bit Embarrassing
Usually, the single saving grace of possibly fatal activities is that if you do happen to die, you’ll get a cool story out of it. Going splat on a skydive obviously isn’t ideal, but news of your demise will at least earn some awed responses. But when the activity in question is riding in a hot air balloon? It doesn’t carry quite the same badass cachet. You’ll still have the same moments of sheer terror as you plummet toward the earth, but you’re doing so in a wicker basket, like a doomed human Easter egg. You end up kicking the bucket halfway through the sort of thing Frog and Toad would do on the anniversary of their friendship.
Barrington Hills, 1981
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The Barrington Hills hot air balloon disaster is evidence that even the best-prepared inflatable flight can go wrong. Six men decided to have a birthday party in a hot air balloon in Barrington Hills, Illinois. One of them was an extremely experienced hot air balloon pilot, and two of the others were experienced with parachutes. Unfortunately, no matter how much experience you have, there’s one thing that can undo it all: a strong gust of wind. Like the one that sent their balloon floating into power lines, and resulted in the death of all but one of the men. He survived by jumping 40 feet to the ground. It has to hurt when your cause of death is literally a viral tweet.
Alice Springs, 1989
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One trait hot air balloons are not known for is “lateral speed.” My layman’s understanding is that you blast off, and then, well, float along. Which makes me think that a balloon-on-balloon collision is both unlikely — and excruciatingly slow. I’m imagining last moments similar to Michael McDonald's steamrollered henchman from Austin Powers. Though I do feel somewhat bad for linking to an Austin Powers clip while describing an event that ended in the death of the cartoonishly unlucky count of 13 people, all on one of the two balloons. The other balloon? No casualties, at least physically.
Lockhart, 2016
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There’s no way, no matter what I say, that I come out as top asshole when it comes to this disaster. That crown lies unimpeachably atop the head of the pilot, who was absolutely blasted on Valium, oxycodone and, for good measure, Benadryl. Alfred Nichols had also already racked up four drunk driving convictions, a bit of info you’d think would get communicated to whomever hands out hot air balloons. Bad weather, combined with the cloudy conditions in Nichols’ own head, ended in tragedy when his balloon made contact with that old nemesis once again: power lines. Sixteen people were killed, which I can’t imagine is a number of people you’re allowed to have up there in the first place.
Luxor, 2013
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Another unfortunate side effect of expiring in a hot air balloon accident is that your last moments are almost definitely going to be observed with curiosity by everyone within view — doubly so if you’re soaring above tourist landmarks, like the hot air balloons floating above the ancient Egyptian architecture in Luxor.
I’ll be honest, I’d be a little peeved if I’d traveled to Egypt to see the majesty and mystery of an ancient civilization, only for the panorama to be dotted with gaudy balloons. Still, that doesn’t mean I want any of them to explode, like a balloon in 2013. Unfortunately for the passengers looking for a bird’s-eye view of Luxor, they instead experienced a malfunction that sent them rocketing up 1,000 feet in the air before exploding. Nineteen people perished, probably to the confused applause of at least one or two ground-bound tourists.
Paris, 1819
No, it didn’t pop on the point of the Eiffel Tower, which is the smallest of saving graces. The fate of Madame Sophie Blanchard was still something pulled directly out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon, though. While performing one of her trademark hot air balloon firework displays, which really doesn’t feel like a career that enables a natural death, exactly what you'd think would happen, did. The pyrotechnics ignited her balloon, and she was sent rapidly toward the ground.
Those last shreds of dignity that she could have had by literally going down in flames? Stripped away when her basket hit a nearby roof, and threw her out into the street.
