Dane Cook Has This Drone Situation All Figured Out
Seriously, what’s up with all the drone sightings?
Mysterious flying objects have been sighted in at least eight states, and people are demanding answers. “I want to assure the American public that we are on it,” Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas promised Sunday on ABC’s This Week, according to CNN.
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“We’re on it,” isn’t exactly comforting to people unsettled by the drones’ ominous hovering. Comedian Dane Cook is one of them, posting videos his wife took of a “huge” flying object in the Los Angeles area. “Whoaaaa.”
Cook has a theory about the UAPs — an acronym (unidentified aerial phenomenon) fancier than the old-fashioned UFOs. “Simple but stark ‘drone’ aka UAP explanation,” Cook posted on Twitter/X. “They have been here before.. they have built here & they have destroyed here. When they built here before then humans created destruction level weapons.. they came in and wiped us out. Now they see us gearing up for another mass extinction event and rather than let us destroy this dimension and many others they come here, assess the situation & then if need be they take us out of the equation and restart the process over.”
Holy smokes, is that what’s actually happening? Maybe — Cook concluded his explanation with the caveat, “Just a thought.”
Sarcastic trolls pushed back. “At least they were nice enough to use FAA lights for safety,” replied @TruthNinja 316. (At least one drone manufacturer says the mystery objects are lit according to FAA guidelines.)
But Cook knows that’s just what the aliens want you to think. “If you wanted to assimilate would you not mimic in order to keep your target in a perpetual state of confusion?” the comedian wrote. “Everyone wasting time saying ‘they look like ours so I guess it’s fine’ might be exactly what they want. Camouflage used in war from the start. Keep your enemy unsuspecting until it’s too late to react.”
Despite the imminent threat to humanity, Cook seems to be coping — in between posts about “taking us out of the equation,” he’s promoting his upcoming comedy movie, Boris Is Dead. “The cast and crew blew me away,” he said. Hey, folks, the show must go on.
Cook has always kept the laughs coming in between UFO, er, UAP freak-outs. In February 2023, he melted down on social media over fears that the American military had shot down an alien ship.
The comedian demanded answers and when the U.S. military didn’t respond, he turned to the people really in charge.
Just four days ago, Cook posted an audio message with the ominous heading, “Final Thoughts.” Was this the comedian’s last words to a planet hellbent on destruction? A good-bye soliloquy before he was beamed up to an alien ship?
Nope, just an invitation to buy tickets to see his “wham cram stam whamalama ding dang” stand-up appearances in Phoenix and Denver. Maybe all those UAPs are just looking for a place to park outside the comedy club.
