The Opening of Lindsay Lohan’s New Netflix Christmas Movie Will Make You Question Your Sanity
One might assume that Netflix’s most unhinged Christmas movie of 2024 is the one in which a widow creates a fuckable snowman. But the unhinged holiday baton was passed this week to the streaming service’s latest seasonal offering: Our Little Secret starring Lindsay Lohan.
The movie finds Lohan pretending not to know her ex-boyfriend, who’s dating her current boyfriend’s sister, while they’re all spending the holidays together. While there are no jacked snowmen, there is a scene in which Lohan downs a bunch of weed gummies before attending church service with her boyfriend’s parents.
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Which, come to think of it, was already a scene in the Seth Rogen movie The Night Before.
Obviously people watch these movies because they’re wacky. For instance, Lohan’s previous Christmas project, Falling for Christmas, found her tumbling off of a cliff and suffering a severe head injury minutes into the movie. But the strangest part of Our Little Secret, by far, is the opening credits.
Following the couple’s breakup in 2014, the movie flashes forward to the present day — but filling the gap is the credit sequence, which runs down some of the most important events of the past decade. And, as one viral social media post pointed out, it’s completely bonkers.
The credits do touch on some events of significance (the legalization of gay marriage in the U.S., the Perseverance rover landing on Mars) and some memorable viral social media moments (Moonlight beating La La Land at the Oscars, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge), but then there are some truly head-scratching entries. We get not one, but two, shout-outs to Elon Musk for introducing the Cybertruck and replacing “Twitter” with “X.” The latter is represented by a graphic of the X logo triumphantly smashing the Twitter bird logo, which seems like an odd way to visualize someone diminishing the value of a company by 80 percent.
The montage’s omissions are even more glaring; COVID doesn’t even get a brief mention? Nor do any U.S. presidential elections, with the exception of the brief moment focusing on Bernie Sanders’ adorable mittens. On the other hand, the movie conveniently did honor the cultural contributions of not one, not two, but three Netflix series: Stranger Things, Bridgerton and Squid Game.
They also mentioned how NFTs are “sweeping the art world” and cited the introduction of Beyond Meat burgers as a significant moment worthy of acknowledgement, which really makes one wonder how many of these historical milestones were paid for. And as one person pointed out, as the calendar reaches 2023, the final event we see is Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour, coupled with a photo of Swift that’s clearly from at least 10 years ago.
We’re not looking to Lindsay Lohan rom-coms for historical accuracy, but this is just madness.
