Is Bill Burr the Lost Member of Smashing Pumpkins?
Note to Billy Corgan’s stepmother: Not all bald guys are related.
“Most of my friends don’t even know this story,” the Smashing Pumpkins frontman revealed on a recent Howie Mandel Does Stuff podcast episode. “About 10 years ago, one of my brothers was having a birthday party, and my stepmother was there, who was obviously married to my father. And my stepmother said to me, ‘Do you know who Bill Burr is?’”
Corgan had no idea, which is understandable — 10 years ago, Burr had reached comedy-club headliner status, doing sets on Jimmy Fallon and David Letterman, but he was not yet a household name. “I didn’t know he was a comedian or anything,” Corgan confessed. “He could have been the guy down the street.”
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Back at the party, Corgan looked up Burr on his phone and noticed a passing resemblance to his dad. “Why are you asking?” Corgan wanted to know.
“I think it might be one of your father’s illegitimate children,” his stepmother said. “Bill Burr might be one of the children that your father sired in his days of being a traveling musician.”
At first, Corgan considered the possibility, even though there are several thousand (million?) bald white guys in America. “I said okay, that sort of works. I looked at Bill’s age, and we’re similar age. And my father did once tell me that I had a half-brother named Bill who was basically born around the same time as me. He told me on my 18th birthday.”
Corgan’s daddy didn’t have much imagination, naming two of his sons “Bill.” He also was an irresponsible horndog, supposedly responsible for a dozen babies born out of wedlock. “Well, he was a traveling musician,” Corgan said.
“With a load of sperm!” exclaimed Mandel.
Corgan conceded the point. “God bless on that.”
Of course, the mystery was an easy one to solve if Corgan was interested in doing so. He’s a famous guy, Burr’s a famous guy. He knew people who had Burr’s phone number. Give Burr a call and ask him if he has puzzling parentage. Corgan’s never gone that far, but he did Google “Bill Burr parents” and discovered that Burr’s actual father, Robert Burr, was a Massachusetts dentist. No mention of adoption.
Occam’s razor says the simplest explanation is most likely to be right, so “Corgan has a nutty stepmom” makes more sense than “Bill Burr could have been a Smashing Pumpkin.” Even Corgan doesn’t believe it’s an actual possibility. “I don’t think Bill Burr and I are related,” he said. “It’s just one of those things.”
Mandel offered to call Burr during the podcast to confirm once and for all but Corgan begged him not to. “I don’t want to be made fun of by Bill Burr,” he said. “He’s very funny, and I really don’t want the psychological darts in my heart.”
