In the Interest of (Literal) Poor Taste, Here’s A Collection of Hilarious Turkey Cooking Disasters
Thanks to tradition, once a year, even the nation’s least functional chefs might suddenly find themselves responsible for a multi-course meal. Most notably, successfully cooking a gigantic turkey the likes of which could fuel a viking raid. It’s no small (or short) feat, if your oven’s even big enough to fit a sufficiently festive carcass. Once that sucker’s crammed in, you’re looking at a cook time that could cover the Lord of the Rings trilogy and then some.
Obviously, this lead to people looking for shortcuts or hacks, and one particularly disastrous pursuit is the decision to deep-fry a turkey. Large amounts of flammable oil, heavy items and an inability to estimate how much fluid an item will displace often lead to a yard or house getting cooked instead of poultry — that is, if the turkey doesn't straight up explode. Every year, deep-fried turkey attempts cause five deaths and $15 million in property damage, which is a hell of a revenge for the turkeys.
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Here’s some evidence to let your worst impulses feast on…
Opening A Portal to Hell
You generally don’t want a video of your Thanksgiving dinner to look like you’re in the process of summoning a demon that really loves dry meat.
It’s Not “Go While You’re Behind”
You can tell the planning that went into this was minimal, because they saw an already active grease fire and assumed that must be what crisps up the skin so nicely. It’s like walking into a house that reeks of gas, shrugging and starting an omelette.
Barefoot Turkey Frycooks Are Less Than Trustworthy
If a video of someone deep-frying a turkey starts with a barefoot guy in shorts, odds are good that it’s not instructional. Then, he dips the turkey in and out, every time making the fire angrier, but continuing nonetheless. After this bit of house-fire foreplay, he decides there’s no better time than the present, and it goes as well as you’d expect.
This Is How Not to Do It
You ever watch a safety video and think, “No one’s actually that stupid”? Well, here’s proof that those videos occur organically. Every step of this process lands on a figurative rake. The fire’s already a problem — on a wooden deck, no less — and then they attempt to put out a grease fire with water, despite having one person who actually paid attention in school suggesting baking soda.
No More Friendly Waves From the Neighbors
Destroying your wooden deck is one thing. Almost becoming a Thanksgiving version of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow? That’s not ideal. Imagine beefing up a turkey fry so bad that you have to explain it to three different insurance investigators.
