Weekend Update’s Best Jokes Trying to Make Sense of the Election

While Saturday Night Live pledged its allegiance to Donald Trump in its opening sketch this week, Weekend Update wasn’t quite as willing to appease the past and future president. Michael Che in particular seemed weary and resigned. He didn’t even bother delivering fake headlines as he addressed America: “How did I let y’all convince me that rural Pennsylvania would pick the Jamaican Indian lady?” he wondered while pulling out a cocktail to drink on the job. “Clearly, I’ve been spending too much time with you white liberals and your goofy optimism. It wasn’t even close. At one point, Trump was so far ahead they put in Bronny.” 

Take another drink, Che. “So y’all gonna let a man with 34 felonies lead the free world and be the President of the United States? That’s it. I’m listening to R. Kelly again,” he confessed. “I already do, but I’m gonna stop pretending I don’t. If white people can elect their felons, I can dance to mine.”

Colin Jost got in his shots as well, scoring with these one-liners:

• “On Tuesday, we learned that Democrats actually don’t know how to rig an election.”
• “It’s like we’re living in a computer simulation, and whoever’s controlling Trump has a cheat code. He’s invincible. He’s like a character in Grand Theft Auto who throws a prostitute out of a car and drives straight to the White House.”
• “Don’t you guys worry. If I know Democrats, they’re going to take a long look in the mirror, learn from their mistakes, and then run Biden again in 2028.”

The election results brought an old Weekend Update character out of hibernation to cheer up the masses as well: Che’s optimistic neighbor, Willie (Kenan Thompson). “I love elections,” he told Che. “Getting rounded up in that van, going downtown, standing in a line with five other dudes that kind of look like me. It’s like they always say, Michael — ‘Is this the man that attacked you?’”

Che can’t understand how Willie stays so cheerful when everyone is so down about the election results. “Look, Michael, I’ve been knocked down before,” Willie said. “But I just pick myself up, take the rope off my neck and hope that the next time the beam supports my weight.”

Dark enough for you? 

Let’s let Che and his bourbon have the last word. “A new report shows that after Donald Trump was elected, the wealth of the world’s 10 richest people grew by more than $60 billion. Yup, the richest people immediately got richer,” Che reported. “But don’t worry, I’m sure yours is coming soon.”