14 Ancient Relics That No One Can Agree Are Authentic
There are a lot of religious folks, historians and curio collectors who are desperate for more evidence that Jesus was a handsome white guy, or that ancient Hebrews taught native North Americans everything they know.
The German Lullaby
What could be more peaceful than an ancient poem written in Old High German about “the murdering wolf” and “swift, hard spears”? It starts with “sleep speedily / leave off crying,” then really goes off the deep end. Historian Georg Zappert claims to have found it in the binding of a pre-Christian manuscript, which he then bought so he could cut it up and retrieve the full lullaby. But Zappert is suspected of a few other forgeries, each of which contain subtle similarities.
Sinaia Lead Plates
In the 19th century, someone claimed to have found 200 lead plates that were essentially inscribed with Simlish in a Romanian museum warehouse. The figures look mostly like the Greek alphabet, but with some extra letters no one recognizes and a language that’s overall unreadable. It might be a chronicle of ancient Transylvanians, which would rule, but it also might be a forgery made by famous contemporary liar Bogdan Petriceicu Hasdeu.
Newark Holy Stones
Coshocton, Ohio’s Johnson-Humrickhouse Museum proudly displays a bunch of artifacts found in 1860 that support the “Lost Tribes” theory, wherein Hebrew people made their way over to the Americas and interacted with ancient native peoples. When scholars started dunking on the museum for supporting a batshit theory that purposely denies native heritage, the museum changed its tune. They haven’t disavowed the authenticity of the artifacts, but they now frame them as a slice of 1860 Ohio, not ancient mythical Hebrew Ohio.
The Secret Gospel of Mark
In 1960, a Columbia professor announced that he’d found an unabridged, original edition of the Biblical “Gospel of Mark” at a monastery in the West Bank. He snapped a couple of pictures, but wouldn’t you know it, the actual document got lost in transportation. In 2003, some Guy (his name is actually Guy) came forward and said that he totally saw them too, back in 1977. Case closed!
Majestic 12
A British ufologist announced in 1987 that he had evidence that Harry Truman had put together a super team of scientists and military dudes to find and hide evidence of an alien spacecraft that crashed in 1947. It blew up in conspiracy circles, to the point that the government got involved and inspected the documents. The FBI literally wrote “BOGUS” in marker across one of the pages, so, I guess we have our answer.
Kensington Runestone
This is a big ol’ slab of graywacke stone that was supposedly carved by Vikings in 1362. The only catch is that it was found in Wisconsin in 1910, which is a bit convenient, because there’s a huge Scandinavian population up there. A Swedish immigrant named Olof Ohman found it, and a lot of scholars think he planted it in his field.
Letter of Lentulus
This is supposed to be a letter from a 1st-century Roman official who got a good long look at Jesus, and wrote about how he looked and acted. When Italians got their hands on it in the 15th century, they copied it far and wide, and it’s likely the reason Jesus looks like he does in modern depictions.
The Shroud of Turin
Similarly, a linen cloth that went on display in a French church in 1354 is purported to have been wrapped around Jesus’ face, and recorded his features, like when Forrest Gump wiped his face with a T-shirt and left a smiley face. A local bishop almost immediately declared it a forgery, but it makes for such a cool story that scholars still like to debate whether it’s real to this day.
Jordanian Codices
Twenty books made out of lead and copper were ostensibly found by a Bedouin farmer in a cave in the early 20th century, and his great-grandson alerted the press to them in 2011. They were said to predate St. Paul, and would be as important as the Dead Sea Scrolls. The BBC immediately called bullshit, but the Jordanian and Israeli departments of antiquity still maintain they’re totally real and totally awesome.
Jehoash Inscription
Hey cool, someone found a historical document that corroborates a detail from the Bible, literally carved in stone. Discovered during construction near the Temple Mount of Jerusalem in 2001, it’s said to confirm Jesus-era repairs made to the temple.
James Ossuary
The James Ossuary is a small stone box with the inscription “James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus.” No one’s saying when it was actually found, but the guy who owns it only announced its existence in 2002 — on the Discovery Channel. The Israeli government has weighed in, announcing after a scientific study that the box and the bones are real, and it’s merely the inscription that’s a forgery.
Isleworth Mona Lisa
Several “copies” of the Mona Lisa exist, painted or sketched by Da Vinci’s students, often with help from the big man himself. This one caught people’s eyes, because it appears to show a younger version of the subject being all demure and mindful. Da Vinci may have had a hand in this, or it could just be an extremely successful cheap knock-off.
The Bat Creek Inscription
Before anyone figured out how to make reinforced steel, ancient peoples in North America were fond of making mounds, or big artificial hills. In 1889, archaeologists found a tablet with a cryptic inscription in one of these mounds in Tennessee. Scholars debate whether the writing was ancient Cherokee, or maybe 1st-century Hebrew, or maybe just cryptic gibberish from a 19th century Tennessee prankster.
Prophecy of the Popes
This is an ancient, religious, probably fake game of telephone. In the 15th century, a Benedictine monk said he was writing down the prophecy of a 12th century monk, who claimed to know the next 112 Popes and left little clues about them in Latin. His guesses were startlingly accurate for a few Popes, but started missing the mark after the 1590s — coincidentally, right around the time that first monk jotted them all down.
