Reclusive ‘Simpsons’ Legend John Swartzwelder Wants Us to Read His Only Interview Exactly Five More Times

I don’t know what’s more surprising — the fact that the most influential and prolific writer in the history of The Simpsons has only given one interview in his entire life, or the fact that John Swartzwelder has a Twitter account.

The Simpsons writers’ room has long been a haven for the most brilliant and unusual minds in all of entertainment, with none more so than that of Swartzwelder, The Simpsons’ reclusive script-writing savant whose contributions to the show still stand unmatched through 36 seasons and counting. During his time on the show, Swartzwelder wrote a record 59 total episodes of The Simpsons, mostly remotely, all while chain-smoking cigarettes and guzzling gallons of coffee like a detective in a hardboiled crime novel. In 2007, Swartzwelder briefly returned to the series to co-write The Simpsons Movie before returning to his reclusivity, occasionally publishing an absurdist novel or short story from his isolation.

Then, in 2016, Swartzwelder did the unthinkable — he started a Twitter account. Five years later, Swartzwelder’s venture into the modern world culminated in him giving an interview, the first and last of his career, to New Yorker writer Mike Sacks over numerous emails and one one-minute, 24-second phone call.

On Wednesday, Swartzwelder tweeted instructions to his online followers — read his New Yorker interview five more times, no more, no less:

Anyone hoping to glean the most remote understanding of comedy’s most arcane mind needs must read Swartzwelder’s interview in its entirety, but here’s a few bullet points to get the process started: 

• He loved his brief time on Saturday Night Live for all the reasons that most writers hate it — the ruthless office politics and the late nights. 
• The “Weekend Update” joke that he most wished he could have gotten to air goes, “Tragedy struck the slopes of Mount Rainier this week when a stranded hiker had to eat the people who were rescuing him just to stay alive.” 
• His intended audience when writing The Simpsons wasn't kids or adults — it was other comedy writers.

The rest of his wisdom deserves to be read in his own words, five times, all while smoking copiously. Get cracking.