A Real-Life Randy Marsh? Children’s Hockey Game Halted By Parents’ Fistfight

I’m sorry, I thought this was Canada!

Any American who thinks that our national pastime has an unparalleled ability to bring out the absolute worst from overly passionate parents in the lowest levels of amateur competition clearly has never seen a fistfight at a kids’ hockey game in Canada. Baseball may be as American as apple pie, and fighting over something as stupid and trivial as a boring-ass little league game may be almost as patriotic, but if the last 27 years of South Park content have taught us anything, it’s that the country of Canada is capable of obscene behavior well beyond what their southern neighbors can stomach. 

Take the hockey parents of Ontario, Canada for instance. While us American South Park fans still celebrate Randy Marsh’s legendary one-on-one fights with other baseball dads in the Season Nine episode “The Losing Edge,” these real-life combative Canucks threw themselves about a half-dozen-strong donnybrook to stop play at a hockey game between seven- and eight-year-olds. 

I guess they didn’t hear no bell.

Now, unlike the youth baseball league in the Denver suburbs, the seven-to-eight-year-old athletic talent of Ontario seems to be a lot more focused on actually winning the game and not getting their summers back — especially considering hockey is a winter sport and Canada doesn’t have much of a summer. As such, it’s tragically unlikely that the poor beady-eyed, bisected-egg-headed players of the doomed match featured in the video enjoyed watching all of their parents thrash about behind the glass quite like Stan and his teammates relished Randy’s showdown with Bat Dad.

Unfortunately, with the youth hockey league (perhaps wisely) remaining tight-lipped about the incident until they can hold the parents accountable, we have no insight into the instigation of the now-viral brawl, but we have some theories: Namely, maybe two shirtless and drunk dads decided that they weren’t each others’ buddies, guy.