Mystery-Solving Kids Started Investigating Diddy on ‘SNL’ Back in 2006
Sean Combs continues to make headlines, not only for his crimes against humanity but for his real and fictional cameos on TV shows ranging from South Park to All That to MADtv.
Satirist Robert Smigel also got in some punches on Saturday Night Live, featuring Combs in a TV Funhouse cartoon called Diddy Kiddies. (Sorry, gang — NBCUniversal has blocked the video on YouTube but you can watch it on the Internet Archive.)
Diddy Kiddies are three multi-ethnic middle-schoolers “solving mysteries, doing the bad thing, they out there going for the brass ring.” What mystery are the Kiddies trying to solve this week? They’re trying to get to the bottom of what exactly Diddy does for a living.
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He doesn’t contribute much to his music videos, creative efforts that feature an all-star team of 2006 celebrities with Diddy popping in for a few frames. “Any clues to what I do?” he asks the kids. “Am I rapping?”
Diddy’s mouth opens and some words come out, but it doesn’t really qualify. Maybe Diddy produced the song? “Nah, Timabaland,” he says. “But I paid him.”
Is Diddy a dancer? Maybe, says one of the kids, but that would be like saying Ellen DeGeneres is a dancer. Or the youngest kid in the opening of The Cosby Show.
Is he a conductor? Nah, anyone can do that. Maybe Diddy’s a comedian. “You’re only a comedian,” says a Diddy Kid, “if it’s intentionally funny.”
Things get creepier once Diddy and the kids find themselves on a yacht. In Diddy’s suite, one of the kid sleuths finds a bag of weed in his dresser drawer while another searches his bed. Does Diddy have glaucoma? And what’s up with all of his aliases: Sean John, Puff Daddy, Puffy, Diddy? The mystery just keeps getting murkier.
Things come to a head when the team visits Diddy’s, er, Sean John’s clothes-designing studio. In true Scooby-Doo style, the gang pulls a mask off a preening designer to reveal it was Diddy all along. But wait — pulling off another mask reveals that the designer did the work after all. He was getting paid to wear a mask to make it seem like Diddy had real-world skills.
Finally, the team draws the only sensible conclusion: “Diddy, you’re a freak!”
If the Diddy Kiddies only knew how right they were.
