A ‘Seinfeld’ Children’s Book References the Show’s Creepiest Storyline
A lot of children’s entertainment these days seems to consist of lazily repackaged pop-culture iconography, conveniently sanitized by corporations for parents to force upon their helpless kids. This is especially true in the world of children’s books, as evidenced by the Office-themed book set in “Dunder Mifflin Elementary.” Because what child wouldn’t want a bedtime story rehashing their parents’ favorite primetime network sitcom?
Weirdest of all, remember those “Little Golden Books”? Well now, in addition to fairy tales and Disney stories, they also include abbreviated biographies of Bruce Springsteen and an alphabet lessons starring H.R. Giger’s phallic nightmare beast: A Is for Alien. (And “C” is for “Child Therapy.”)
Stranger still, there’s a Little Golden Book starring the Seinfeld gang — or rather, the dead-eyed Funko Pop versions of the Seinfeld gang.
Seinfeld: Who ARE These People? finds Jerry introducing readers to his friends, such as George, Elaine and Kramer, as well as characters like Newman, Bania and the Soup Nazi (who’s just called “Yev”). It also features some deep-cut references to Seinfeld lore, including Frank Costanza’s caped lawyer, and Ricky, the TV Guide obsessive who creates a mannequin that resembles Elaine.
It’s a great book for parents to read at storytime, as long as their main objective is to confuse their little ones and mildly amuse themselves.
While the book refrains from showing the toy Seinfeld characters discussing Funko-sized breast implants or hammering out the terms of a masturbation contest, for some reason it does recreate one of the most unnecessarily creepy scenes in the entire show: In Season Six’s “The Jimmy,” Jerry suspects that dentist Tim Whatley (Bryan Cranston), and the office’s dental hygienist, may have sexually assaulted him while he was unconscious.
Then, in the final moments of the episode, Jerry’s suspicions are confirmed by a Penthouse letter, in which Dr. Whatley makes a lurid confession.
Which is a pretty messed-up storyline, even for Seinfeld.
Instead of seeking therapy and notifying the authorities, Jerry seemingly just returned to normal the following week. And, for some reason, he kept going back to the same sex-criminal dentist! Tim Whatley returns in Season Eight’s “The Yada Yada,” and Jerry is far more concerned about Tim’s liberal use of Jewish jokes than he is about the fact that Dr. Whatley drugged and molested him two years earlier.
So now the scene in which Whatley gasses Jerry shortly before taking advantage of him has been immortalized, not just in the show, but in a Little Golden Book for children of all ages to enjoy tolerate.
NBCUniversal
Little Golden Books
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