7 of the Dumbest Kids Books Written By Comedians
So you got that master’s degree in English literature and you’re ready to embark on your career as a children’s author?
Forget it, Shakespeare. No matter how entertaining your prose, publishers have no interest in anyone authoring children’s books other than comedians. Are the books any good? “Hey, they’re kids books — how bad can they be?” seems to be the prevailing industry wisdom.
Don't Miss
Here are seven dumbass examples of comedians moonlighting as children’s authors in search of a quick buck…
Jay Leno
Whether it’s shilling for LifeLock or Cool Ranch Doritos, Leno never turns away an opportunity to make a buck. When he’s not turning old Tonight Show bits like Headlines into books, he’s telling tales of L’il Jay trying to figure out how to get a bite of roast beef. Amazon says: “The story sometimes seems to sputter — albeit in that ingratiating Jay way — from one gag to the next.”
Jerry Seinfeld
It’s hard to gauge the enduring popularity of Jerry Seinfeld’s Halloween based on its eBay listings. You can get a first-edition copy for $1.99 — or if you’re that kind of buyer, you can spend $147.50. If you’ve ever heard Seinfeld’s stand-up bit on Halloween, you’ve basically read the book minus the goofy illustrations of L’il Jerry.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck parent if you bought your kid a copy of Foxworthy’s Dirt on My Shirt or any of his other 50-words-or-less children’s books. It’s classified as an I Can Read Level 2, making it the perfect holiday gift for Larry the Cable Guy.
Ricky Gervais
There’s a whole series of Flanimals books, but I was too exhausted by their ugly-ass covers to dive down that particular rabbit hole. School Library Journal took a fun, very British swipe at More Flanimals: “The book strains at being clever, but some readers may like its brevity.”
Ray Romano
Like Leno and Seinfeld, Romano is one of those L’il Comedian writers who places their junior selves front and center. Raymie, Dickie and the Bean: Why I Love and Hate My Brothers has a self-explanatory title — boys should always hate brothers who call them Raymie. “Because this is a book about three young boys,” says Amazon’s review, “farting is inevitable.”
Steve Martin
As lazy writing endeavors go, a book that lays out the letters of the alphabet has to rank near the top.
Jimmy Kimmel
It doesn’t feel right to poke fun at a book that donate’s the author’s profits to children’s hospitals, but here we are. Dual-threat Kimmel wrote the words and drew the pictures for The Serious Goose, and at least he’s savvy enough to know what mom and dad are looking for in a bedtime story. “Dear parents,” he writes, “This book takes five minutes to read so you can get on with your lives.”
