14 Curses That Would Be Fun to Watch If You’re Not in the Blast Zone
Are You Afraid of the Dark? wouldn’t touch The Curse of LaBonte with a 10-foot pole.
The Hands Resist Him (AKA The eBay Haunted Painting)
In 1972, artist Bill Stoneham painted a scene of a little boy next to his spooky li’l doll, with many hands pressed up against a glass door behind them. It’s already baseline creepy, but then someone put it up for sale on eBay in 2000, and claimed they weren’t liable for any cursed shit that may happen as a result of the purchase. They warned that the little boy had been known to leave the painting, either to do spooky shit, or to avoid the wrath of the doll, who is secretly packing heat.
The Anguished Man
A British guy received one of the worst documented inheritances of all time. Sean Robinson’s grandmother gave him a freaky painting of an apparently screaming dude, that was painted with the artist’s blood, shortly before the artist committed suicide. Robinson claims to have heard moaning in his house and seen “the figure of a man” after receiving the gift. One silver lining: He sold the movie rights in 2016.
The Björketorp Runestone
This ancient, jagged, 13-foot tall rock in Sweden is either a fertility shrine to Odin, a simple boundary marker or a gravestone protected by a deadly curse meant to doom any who might seek to disturb it. Better not read the malevolent runes out loud, just in case.
The Curse of Billy Penn
This sounds like a primo episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?, but it’s just an excuse for why Philly sucked at sports for two decades. In March of 1987, the city erected a skyscraper that was taller than the statue of William Penn at the top of City Hall. No Philly sports team won a national championship for the next 21 years.
The Tichborne Dole: The Curse That Kind of Came True
The Tichborne Dole is an annual English charity festival that dates back to the 12th century, when the Tichborne family would dole out food to local peasants. Lady Mabella Tichborne requested this yearly act of service on her deathbed, and included a curse to ensure it would continue forever: if the Dole were to ever stop, the Ticheborne family would endure a generation of seven sons, followed by a generation of seven daughters, effectively killing off the family name. Local officials tried to cancel the Dole in 1796 — until they realized they were currently in a generation of seven Tichborne sons. Some of those sons died bizarre deaths, but the festival and the family line continue to this day.
Usog
This is a Filipino superstition that basically says strangers cause SIDS. If a stranger enters your house, you’re supposed to make them spit on their finger and rub your baby’s belly, as an antidote to whatever evil hex they may have secretly cast. It’s considered bad manners to spit directly onto the baby.
Vizekusen Syndrome
This refers to a specific region of Germany that was cursed for decades to produce shitty soccer players. In the early aughts, Bayer 04 Leverkusen were perennial runners-up in their league, earning them the nickname Neverkusen (or the more German Vizekusen). They even endured the longest losing streak in Europe’s history, at 51 straight losses, before promptly shattering the curse, going undefeated and winning their league in 2024.
Loathly Lady
This legendary trope appears often in ancient literature — a handsome man deigns to speak to an ugly old crone, or even crazier, falls in love with her, only to find that she’s in fact a gorgeous young woman in disguise. It’s like an inverse Beauty and the Beast or The Princess and the Frog.
The Curse of the Braganzas
In the 17th century, King John IV of Portugal (allegedly) kicked a beggar, who then decreed that none of the king’s male heirs would live long enough to reach the throne. Sure enough, seven of his male heirs in Portugal and Brazil have died young, and only three have successfully metamorphosed into kings.
The Crucible Curse
If you’re an up-and-coming professional snooker player, watch out. No first-time winner of the World Snooker Championship has ever won a second consecutive championship since 1977, when the tournament was moved to the Crucible Theatre.
The Chained Oak
Legend has it that the Earl of Shrewsbury encountered an elderly beggar underneath an old oak tree outside of a village in Staffordshire, England. When the Earl cruelly shunned her, she warned that for every branch that fell from the tree, a member of his family would die. That very night, a storm broke one of the tree’s branches, and a family member died mysteriously. The Earl ordered every branch tightly chained to the trunk — and indeed, there’s an old oak tree outside of Alton that’s draped in heavy, rusty chains.
Chief Cornstalk’s Curse
Cornstalk was a Shawnee leader who was brutally murdered by American soldiers during the Revolutionary War. He was originally buried in West Virginia’s Fort Randolph, but his remains were exhumed and reburied at the Mason County Courthouse, at which point he’s said to have summoned the Mothman from beyond the grave.
The Curse of LaBonte
This curse plagued Canadian curling for nearly a decade. American skipper Robert LaBonte accidentally kicked one of Canada’s stones before it could be measured, causing the undefeated Canadian team to lose in a nail-biter. Canada wouldn’t win another World Championship for eight years. The footage was replayed incessantly, showing Canadian skipper Orest Meleschuk looking cool as hell smoking a cigarette. This increased attention led Meleschuk himself to quit smoking, and the league to ban tobacco advertising, likely saving countless lives.
The Curse of the Ninth
In classical music, it’s thought that a composer’s ninth symphony will be his last! Because he’ll retire. Or die!!! Beethoven, Schubert and about a dozen others died before they could complete their tenth symphonies. Gustav Mahler believed in the Curse of the Eighth, and celebrated after dropping his ninth symphony… and then promptly died.
