J.D. Vance and Troy McClure from ‘The Simpsons’ May Share a ‘Romantic Abnormality’

J.D. Vance’s vice presidential campaign isn’t going so well. It hasn’t even been two weeks since former president/current guy who thinks Hannibal Lecter is a real person Donald Trump selected Vance as his running mate (seemingly because he was enchanted by the author and senator’s “beautiful blue eyes”), yet Vance has already found himself in the middle of a headline-dominating scandal concerning a rumor that he once went full “Andrew from Big Mouth” on a couch.

The couch-humping thing was clearly just a joke, stemming from a social media post claiming that the salacious confession was printed in the pages of Vance’s book Hillbilly Elegy. While this story was easily debunked with a simple scan of the book, it nonetheless sparked countless memes, and was given further oxygen when the Associated Press deleted its article “No, JD Vance Did Not Have Sex with a Couch,” seemingly leaving the door wide open to the possibility that J.D. Vance did, in fact, have sex with a couch. 

While Vance’s furniture fetish may have been exaggerated, now people are discussing another potential eyebrow-raising sexual predilection of his, this time based on something Vance himself posted on social media.

Back in February, Vance shared an image of a post that “showed a dolphin apparently attempting to mate with a woman,” along with the comment, “Maybe the internet was a mistake.” Further validating that sentiment, Vance’s followers noticed that the words “woman” and “dolphin” were bolded in the screenshot, meaning that whoever took it had first searched for those specific terms. “Why you searching for dolphin porn, my guy?” one user commented. 

For many of us, this revelation immediately brought to mind the classic Simpsons episode “A Fish Called Selma” in which it’s revealed that actor Troy McClure, who you might remember from such films as Calling All Quakers and Here Comes the Metric System, has a “romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all costs.” 

Specifically, he’s sexually attracted to sea creatures, and once caused quite a stir at the Springfield Aquarium. 

Although there’s no concrete evidence that Vance shares Troy McClure’s irregular lust for ocean life, a lot of Simpsons fans have been making this very comparison.

Look, we’re not trying to kink-shame anyone here, after all, didn’t we all enjoy a certain Oscar-winning drama that was all about a horny mutant fish-man?

And there are plenty of other reasons that we should be dunking on Vance, mainly his record of garbage policies, which includes calling for abortion bans even in cases of “rape or incest,” introducing a bill that would “criminalize gender-affirming care for transgender minors” and the time he argued in favor of banning pornography. 

In retrospect, it is a little suspicious that he never once called for a ban of Finding Nemo.

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