5 Badass Victories By Fighters Who Were Totally Unarmed

5 Millwall, Defender of the London Bridge

In 2017, terrorists rammed a bunch of people on London Bridge and then whipped out knives to tear through more victims. The death toll there: eight. Next, they entered the Black and Blue steakhouse and came upon a man later dubbed the Lion of London Bridge. “Fuck you, I’m Millwall,” he said before throwing himself at them.

His name was not Millwall. His name was Roy Larner, but he counted himself as a fan of Millwall Football Club. They’re the club that came up with the song “No One Likes Us, We Don't Care,” the chant later appropriated by Jason Kelce and the Eagles. Ultimately, it was police who took the terrorists down, but Larner occupied them long enough to give their next victims a chance to escape. He himself got a bunch of knife wounds, including some in the neck, but he survived. 

By the way, trivia experts will know that London’s Tower Bridge is not named London Bridge, and the original London Bridge was dismantled and moved to Arizona. Nevertheless, London has a separate bridge named London Bridge, and that’s where this attack happened. So, if any know-it-all tells you that there’s no London Bridge in London, be sure to one-up them by being an even bigger know-it-all. 

4 A Grandpa Ripped a Leopard’s Tongue Out

Daniel M’Mburugu wasn’t unarmed when a leopard came at him in 2005. He was carrying a machete, which he was using to attend to his potato garden near Mount Kenya. Unfortunately, he then dropped the machete. 

Or maybe that wasn’t so unfortunate. Maybe a machete isn’t a very convenient weapon for driving off a big cat that’s feasting on you. A machete’s all very well and good for beheading a stationery victim, but that thing was designed for cutting undergrowth, not batting wildlife.

Instead of a blade, M’Mburugu reached down the animal’s throat with his fist. He grabbed the leopard’s tongue and yanked on it. The leopard bit down, and clawed at him, but the tongue yank more or less shut him down, letting M’Mburugu rip the organ right out of its head and kill it. Oh, and did we mention M’Mburugu was 73 years old at the time? He recovered, and we trust he dined on leopard meat that night. 

3 A Plane Tricked a Fighter Jet Into Crashing

The EF-111A Raven was what’s known as an electronic-warfare aircraft. It came with a jamming system and a Radar Homing and Warning (RHAW) system, but it didn’t include any kind of arms.

So, during the Gulf War, when an American Raven found itself being shot at by an Iraqi fighter aircraft, it clearly had no way of fighting back. Best-case scenario, the Raven would manage to get away by flying really fast. Worst-case, the Iraqi Dassault Mirage would hit it with ease. 

Instead, pilots James Denton and Brent Brandon pointed their aircraft downward. The Mirage followed. Then the Raven used its superior maneuverability to zip back up. The Mirage couldn’t, and it just smashed into the ground. And that’s how a Raven got an air-to-air kill, without actually being equipped with any weapons. 

2 Stationary Cruise Ship vs. Coast Guard Attacker

But at least that Raven was an Air Force vehicle, piloted by military experts. We can’t say the same for the next vessel that found itself facing attack. 

This was the RCGS Resolute, a German cruise ship made for carrying passengers. In 2020, according to Venezuela, the Resolute trespassed in Venezuela waters. Other sources aren’t so sure. The company says a Venezuelan Coast Guard then starting shooting at it and sped forward to ram into it. 

Here’s a picture of the Coast Guard boat, which was named the Naiguatá:

Here’s the Resolute (which has since been renamed):

So, the Resolute might not have had any guns, but that doesn’t mean it was fragile. When it wasn’t poking around Venezuela, this ship was designed to survive waters filled with icebergs. It was an ice class ship, with an extra thick hull. The Naiguatá struck it and promptly split itself apart and sank. 

The Resolute would have been happy to rescue the sailors, but the flailing men had rafts, and the Venezuelan Navy was on its way, so it was probably best to just get out of there. 

1 Kept Punching After Losing His Hand

We aren’t sure why Charles Russell attacked Peter Rogers in an Irish pub in March 2009. Maybe it was because Rogers called Russell’s girlfriend’s mom fat. Whatever the reason, Russell left and came back with a buddy. The buddy held a hammer, while Russell wielded a samurai sword. 

The first strike came from the hammer, hitting Rogers from behind. He now stood up and fought back. He and Russell struggled, and he punched Russell in the face. This would be an exciting night by most standards, but the really surprising part is — though Rogers himself didn’t realize it at the time — Russell had by this point sliced off his hand with the sword. The hand lay on the ground. Rogers wasn’t punching with his fist but with his bloody stump.

Another drinker picked up the hand and put it on ice. This was a Dublin pub — everyone knew the drill. Rogers, once the shock subsided and he realized he’d been unhanded, went on to have the appendage reattached in the hospital. Russell pleaded guilty, making this one more offense to add to his list of 31 previous convictions. 

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