The Five Most ‘Sexually Active’ Popes
Even with my grasp on the ins and outs of the Catholic religion being far less than someone who came up in the faith, there are a couple of things I’m pretty confident about. The first is that priests are supposed to be celibate. The second is that, given that the Pope is basically the head honcho of all priests, they are definitely not supposed to be laying down any holy lumber.
It turns out, though, that this rule has been fudged fairly often over the history of the Church. Admittedly, many of the accounts below have been disputed, but my belief in the Catholic Church to admit their mistakes has only decreased with time and reading more about history.
Pope Alexander VI
If you’re thinking that these are going to be cases of a furtive touch in a dark stairwell, followed by a life of regret, you might want to adjust your expectations. In the case of Pope Alexander VI, the man had absolutely zero concern about getting after it in the service of God. When huge swaths of written history concerning a pope are centered around his many sons, you’d have to be pretty deep in the sand to pretend his papal promise ring stayed intact.
He had four sons by one single woman, Vannozza Catanei, and those are just the confirmed offspring. His total is thought to go all the way up to 10, which I think we can admit is at least very Catholic.
Pope John XII
Teenagers are famously horny. Again, Popes are famously not supposed to be. So when you make a teenage boy a Pope, something's gotta give. For Pope John XII, made Pope in the 10th century, the thing that seemed to give was the fastenings on his papal undergarments.
Liudprand of Cremona said that John XII turned the papal palace into a “brothel,” but he did have reason to talk smack, being an ally of Pope John XII’s sworn enemy, the German King Otto I. The language might have been strong, but the sentiment wasn’t off-the-mark, per a professor at the Catholic University of America with the delightfully assonant name of Ken Pennington. Pope John XII’s pursuit of the pillowed arts lasted until his very last breath, with him rumored to have died from a stroke while bedding a married woman.
Pope Paul II
In fairness, the accounts of Pope Paul II’s papal infidelities are some of the most strongly disputed. But when you hear about the top tale attributed to him, you’re going to understand exactly why the Church isn’t into litigating this one in particular. They would much rather everyone toe the company line, which says Paul II died from severe indigestion after eating too much melon. A death that isn’t particularly flattering, except when the rumored alternative is that he died while getting — and I say this with greatest possible respect — his back walls blown out by a page boy.
Pope Julius III
Another possibly queer pope whose status is hotly debated is Pope Julius III. The bits of his history that raise eyebrows aren’t as salacious as those of Pope Paul II (though how could they be), but also were arguably more detrimental to his actual job of Pope. That’s because one of the most curious details of his papacy is how his rise goes hand-in-hand, and I use that term only somewhat figuratively, with a 15-year-old beggar named Innocenzo.
Innocenzo, despite having zero qualifications, found himself quickly made a cardinal by Julius III, kicking off a massive scandal as to the exact relationship of the Pope’s young new ward. Mentions by the Venetian ambassador that Innocenzo “shared the pope's bedroom and bed” certainly didn’t help quash the rumors.
Pope Benedict IX
Sex or no sex, Pope Benedict IX is widely viewed as one of the worst Popes of all time. He was so bad/terrible/evil that St. Peter Damian considered him “a demon from hell in the disguise of a priest.” As such, Benedict IX’s taste for carnal vice — he reportedly held orgies at the Lateran Palace — wasn’t a separate sin but just another ingredient in the goulash of unholy behavior he brought to the role. Case in point: He’s still the only pope to straight up sell off the papacy to the highest bidder when he finally resigned for good — something else I wasn’t aware was allowed.
