11 Old-Timey Curse Words That Make You Sound Like Yosemite Sam
Even in my lifetime, the social acceptability of full-on sailor-mouth has become much more accepted. George Carlin routines that would have been struck from common consumption years ago are now easily viewable by any 11-year old with an iPad and motor skills.
I would have been hesitant to let loose a “damnit” around my parents in days of yore, but now I wouldn’t be too surprised to hear it from a child losing at Connect Four. Go back even further, though, and you’ll find a whole armory of swears that sound more like the name of a stuffed animal than anything that would cause any pearls to be clutched.
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To that end, here are 11 delightfully arcane old bits of filth…
Thunderation!
A twist on the aforementioned classic “damn.” Thunderation was in the vein of damnation, I assume as one of a Christian god’s preferred methods of smiting.
Fopdoodle
If fopdoodle sounds a bit to you like a botched pig-latin translation of “fool,” you’re on the right track. It’s a combination of words for dandy and simpleton, so it meant a fancy little idiot. Credit where credit’s due, it fits the vibe perfectly.
Gadzooks
You know a curse word has lost its power when it ends up as the name of a mall stalwart. A name that feels much grimmer once you realize that gadzooks is a bastardization of “God’s Hooks,” referring to the nails used to crucify Jesus. If any mall store should have been called Gadzooks, it should have been Claire’s, given that they handled piercings.
Snails
The crucifixion had a seeming stranglehold on the curse words of a certain era. The seemingly non-sequitur exclamation “Snails!” was a cut-and-sew combination of the word's “God's Nails.” Another thing you really don’t want to step on.
Trollop
We’ll move here from the church pews to the bedroom, another site where many a swear was born. One of the ones you’re likely at least vaguely aware of is “trollop,” a fancier way to imply someone is easy to get into bed. Basically, the word “slut” with a bow on it.
Bedswerver
This may sound like a failed Shark Tank pitch, but it’s in the same realm as trollop. If you happened to be a trollop, but were particularly fond of bedding people already in committed relationships, you might earn the moniker of a “bedswerver.” We’ve got the Bard himself to thank for this one.
Rantallion
At first glance, you’d assume rantallion was a relative of “rapscallion,” but you’d be plum wrong. It’s a penis, but not just any penis: It’s a penis that's specifically shorter than the scrotum. An ancient neighbor of the chode, if you will.
Quim
Quim is an antiquated synonym of a modern curse word, though it’s one that, at least in America, still gets you kicked out of a Panera Bread posthaste. I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with hunt.
Beardsplitter
You’d think this would be an awesome and perfectly acceptable name for a brave dwarf of legend. But in actuality, a beardsplitter was a penis in Victorian slang. Whether it’s a reference to pubic hair or male-male fellatio is a decision I’ll leave in your now unhappy brain.
Bescumber
Bescumber, like beardsplitter, sounds like something out of a Dungeons & Dragons campaign. The kind of thing a rat would do down a rickety ladder. In fact, to “bescumber” something was to liberally spray it with literal shit. Which, depending on the rat’s diet, I guess still applies.
Defenestrate
Okay, I'll admit, this isn’t a swear, but it is a delightfully antiquated word that everyone deserves to know. Defenestrating someone isn’t as gory as it sounds, but it is as violent: It means you threw them out a window.
