An Extended History of Celebrities Hawking Dick Pills

Hey, quick question: When did every celebrity get their own branded crotch supplement? Sure, there are lots of other questions raised by a recent CNN interview with Cam’ron about the abuse allegations against his erstwhile colleague, Diddy. The biggest ones were probably, as Cam’ron himself asked, “You think I be sitting around watching what Diddy doing? I didn’t know this was a Diddy joint that y’all invited me to. Who booked me for this joint?”

But out of all of this baggage to unpack, one item stands out: the little bottle of Pink HorsePower he chugged during the interview, dismissing the reporter’s questions at one point by saying, “Sorry, I’m going to go get some cheeks after this HorsePower drink.” As if one cannot address the media and tap at least one ass in the same afternoon. Learn to time block, Cam’ron.

But why would a renaissance man with a thriving career need to tie himself to such a product? 

He’s far from the only one, too. A shoutout from Cardi B boosted sales of a supplement called Pink Pussycat (which turned out to be just Viagra) 10 times over. Snoop Dogg’s commercial for Hims was as impossible to escape as a hedge maze full of childhood heroes whispering about your “hello.” Even Gillian Anderson has (and arguably is) her own sex drink. 

It’s certainly a far cry from the original celebrity dick pill peddler, who was, distressingly, former presidential nominee Bob Dole. Shortly after he lost the 1996 election, he decided to sell out completely, doing commercials for a variety of products that included the new drug Viagra. Back then, it made him a laughingstock. (Or rather, a laughing— nope, sorry, we grossed ourselves out.) He ended up parodying himself in yet another series of ads, this time for Pepsi, including one in which he’s aroused by a still-teenage Britney Spears. It was a different time in many, many ways.

It’s tempting to connect the dots with the Goopification of celebrity culture. After all, Gwyneth Paltrow has been hocking “Sex Dust” for longer than anyone. Now, Kourtney Kardashian shares recipes for sex smoothies, and Bella Hadid has her own line of aphrodisiac seltzer. But according to a 2016 survey by the market research firm Packaged Facts, women are much less influenced by celebrity endorsements of nutritional supplements than men, especially millennial men. 

That explains the primary reliance on hip-hop figures to sell man enhancers, since the only person millennial men trust more than them is Mr. Rogers, and they wouldn’t want to admit to him that they have a dick. 

We don’t know what’s going with the Cardi B thing, though. Sounds like money laundering.