Four Hilarious Ways Cities Are Discouraging Idiot Tourists
For some reason, as soon as people step outside their home country, they become wild animals, hooting and copulating and excreting right out in the open without a care for who can see them. Well, some of the most popular tourist hot spots have decided there’s no amount of money that’s worth the destruction and mayhem that they bring, and they’ve taken (occasionally hilariously) drastic measures to keep their asses out.
Miami Made Rude PSAs
Miami is fed the fuck up with spring breakers showing up every March to get wasted, piss on everything and shoot up the place. After 2023 was the third year in a row that the city needed to enact a curfew to keep it safe, they created a commercial to “break up” with spring break. Hip, young, but put-together representatives of the city’s residents accused the viewer of “just want(ing) to get drunk in public and ignore laws” and threatened them with more curfews, “bag checks, restricted beach access, DUI checkpoints, $100 parking and strong police enforcement for drug possession and violence” until they decide to “move on.” You know, to Myrtle Beach or something. Your problem now!
Amsterdam Banned Fun
In 2023, the city council banned smoking weed in the public streets of Amsterdam’s red light district following its own public service campaign warning foreigners looking for a “messy night” to “stay away.” That feels a little bit like saying, “You’ve smeared ice cream everywhere, so now you can only have vanilla, no chocolate,” but it’s part of a larger package of new regulations that includes restricted hours for bars, cafes and sex workers and the prohibition of alcohol sales or even displays on weekends. That’s the compromise, too — the mayor wanted to ban foreigners from the coffee shops where weed is sold altogether, so their only options for consuming legal weed would be… so many other places. It’s 2024, guys. Amsterdam has so many lovely museums and restaurants — don’t be weird.
Fujikawaguchiko Blocked the View
Tourist destinations known for their landmarks have to deal with unpassable sidewalks clogged with selfie-taking tourists, but the situation has gotten out of hand in Fujikawaguchiko, Japan. The town is known for its stunning views of Mount Fuji, attracting amateur photographers who wander into traffic and onto private property to the point that residents can’t even get their cars into their own garages, not to mention all the littering and noise. You know things are desperate because they’ve decided the best solution is to put up an eight-foot screen blocking the most popular view of the mountain. Good job, everybody. You’ve ruined it for all of us.
Venice Straight-Up Charges
Lots of tourist destinations impose taxes on overnight visitors, basically because they can. If you need new roads and a bunch of foreigners are willing to pay for it in exchange for authentic street food, why not, right? But in 2024, Venice became the first city in the world to charge a fee to people who are only visiting for the day. They’re not raising money for anything specific — the only purpose of the fee is to discourage travel. They could be spending it on gelato for all we know. And they should — Venice is sinking as I type this, and a daily influx of thousands of tourists isn’t helping. Might as well go down with a frosty treat.
