Crypto Grifters Want Us to Think That Michael Cera and Howie Mandel Were Arrested

As far as we know, Michael Cera is not currently rotting away in the slammer. But X users (and by that we mean, people on the app formerly known as Twitter, not “10 Ancient Roman users”) can be forgiven for thinking otherwise. 

People logging on to X in the Great White North, aka Canada, have been positively “bombarded” with bizarre sponsored posts that supposedly blow the lid off of a “sensational scandal” involving Cera, which seems odd, considering that his biggest scandal up until this point was starring in Year One with Jack Black. The posts are always accompanied by a graphic in which the Superbad star is being unceremoniously hauled away in handcuffs by the cops, all while looking weirdly chill and staring directly at the camera. A caption then poses the question: “What happened to him when the cameras turned off?” 

Of course, you probably don’t need CSI’s “zoom and enhance” technology to figure out that this is a hack Photoshop job that likely took 30 seconds to make, including a 20-second lunch break. Clicking on the link, which, I can’t stress enough, absolutely no one should do, reportedly leads to a “fake version of The Wall Street Journal,” which “alleges that Cera is being sued by the Bank of Canada.” 

Why? Well, they don’t actually say. Judging from the layout, apparently it has something to do with an appearance on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show. Has The Bank of Canada ever sued someone for things they said on a late-night talk show? We’re guessing no. But it really doesn’t matter because every link in the “article” leads “to a cryptocurrency platform.”

Sketchy crypto companies trying to scam X users with bogus scandals involving unlikely Canadian celebrities is a bizarrely specific trend that also involved Justin Trudeau’s ex Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, TV chef Mary Berg and comedian Howie Mandel, who apparently said something “no one expected” and was literally murdered by the police as a result. And really, what could Mandel possibly say that would be so unexpected, other than, perhaps, “Please sneeze in my face after I’m done licking this filthy subway pole.”

This year, X has had a bit of a problem with “crypto scam ads” from supposedly “verified” accounts. Why is X allowing all of these garbage ads from companies that couldn’t be any sketchier if they were run out of a tinted van in an abandoned parking garage? We’re no business experts, but it could, just maybe have something to do with the CEO telling existing advertisers to go fuck themselves. 

This issue likely isn’t going away anytime soon. So if you’re still on this flailing platform and notice a post depicting, say, Jay Baruchel getting tased in the balls by riot cops, just take it with a grain of salt. And don’t go clicking on any links that claim to explain how My Big Fat Greek Wedding star Nia Vardalos was secretly executed by Justin Trudeau for comments she made on Last Call with Carson Daly.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter/X (unless you’re one of the accounts posting that “Michael Cera getting arrested” photo).