12 Specific Day-to-Day Activities That Would Be A Nightmare for the X-Men
Look, the X-Men don’t have an easy time in this world. We all know that, and they discuss it at length. That’s the reason most of them have to be yoinked out of their family homes and go to the special mutant school, because they keep freezing and blowing up various parents. Even outside of the bigger issues, though, there are plenty of simple, day-to-day tasks that would be a nightmare for specific mutants. Here are a couple bad days I cooked up for some of the premier freak heroes…
Cyclops: Getting An Eye Test
Marvel
All the X-Men have a pretty tough life, but Cyclops should thank his lucky stars every day that he doesn’t need corrective lenses. Forget trying to craft some sort of super-contacts for his active lifestyle, good luck trying to figure out the strength he needs, or if he has an astigmatism.
Mystique: Getting A Passport
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The people at the passport office already hate everyone that comes in. Given that I don’t think they’re allowed to issue a passport with a question mark in every single checkbox, I’d have to imagine Mystique would be coming back upwards of a dozen times with every piece of paperwork she’d ever been issued.
Magneto: Going to the Hospital
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I’m sure Magneto’s injuries get fixed up by some sort of doctor mutant, but there might be more to that than convenience. The dude breaks his collarbone, gets wheeled into the hospital and suddenly every monitor in the building starts beeping. Not to mention, you’re buying brand new MRI equipment at a minimum.
Beast: Showering
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There’s just so much hair. The shampoo costs must be astronomical. Even with a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, this is a two-man, three-hour job, minimum. Not to mention if the guy then spills his morning yogurt. Unless he wants to smell like hot milk for a week, rinse and repeat.
Angel: Car Trips
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He’s lucky he can fly most places, because even shotgun isn’t doing much for Angel on a road trip. I think Uber’s probably out of the question too, unless he wants to fork out the extra cash for an XL. Do the X-Men get paid? A question for a different day.
Rogue: Riding the Subway
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Rogue’s struggles with daily life are extremely well-documented, given that most people have, you know, a lot of skin. One thing that’s probably permanently crossed off her available forms of transportation is any major subway. One unlucky lurch, and she lands in the lap of a now-drained husk.
Wolverine: Getting His Ears Pierced
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He might be the bad boy of the X-Men, but he’ll never be able to signify that with a bitchin’ earring. His healing factor would fire out a diamond stud like a railgun bullet.
Colossus: Getting A Tattoo
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Same thing for Colossus. Guy wants to pay tribute to his Russian heritage with some of their famously sick tattoos? No dice, unless there’s some guy out there with a diamond-tipped tattoo gun. He’d probably be better off getting one stenciled on with auto paint.
Professor X: Dating
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I’m just saying, telepathy would really fuck up the power dynamic of any relationship. What are you going to do, ask them how many siblings they have when they know you’re just humoring them? You’ve also got to pray deeply that he’s not the jealous type unless you want your brain leafed through with the frequency of a dentist office’s three-month old issue of People.
Gambit: Tossing Anybody Keys
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I realize he can probably control it, but it only takes a momentary lapse of concentration when someone asks him to huck them the keys to the X-Jet, and suddenly, they’ve got a key-fob-sized hole in their chest. I mean, the guy must shred like three trashcans a day by accident.
Juggernaut: Being in a Rush
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Being an unstoppable force is fun and all, but you’re 10 minutes late to a lunch date and now the whole sidewalk’s gone. Really, the man should be wearing a watch, because his time management has to be impeccable just to make sure he’s not destroying city infrastructure whenever he loses track of time.
Domino: Gambling
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I know what you’re thinking, “What? Domino would be insanely good at gambling because she’d always win!” That’s precisely the rub, bub. Trips to Vegas would be profitable (if probably always ending in a back room with a single swinging light bulb) but completely devoid of that sweet, sweet rush. You need the danger! Otherwise there’d be no difference between skydiving and jumping into your own bed.
