8 Movie Ghosts I’d Like to See the Ghostbusters Bust
Look, I realize that Ghostbusters is a comedy. So I get that there has to be an upper limit to how genuinely horrifying the spooky antagonists can be. Sure, the librarian ghost filled a few pants with pee back in the day, but for the most part, we’re seeing ghosts that wouldn’t get the cops called if they were Halloween lawn ornaments. In the age of the crossover, though, I want to see the classic specter-sealing crew take on some of the media world’s real fucking nightmares. Get Guillermo del Toro on the case and let me see some crawling, shambling nightmare get stuck in a neat little trap. Slimer can stay, though. He's cool.
For example, here are eight cinematic ghosts I want to see face off against Peter Venkman and crew…
Sadako
DreamWorks Pictures
Let’s get a little diversity into the Ghostbusters franchise on BOTH sides of the fight by bringing in some classic Japanese horror with Sadako from The Ring. Give me a scene of the Ring tape arriving at Ghostbusters HQ and Janine popping it on and viewing it with vague interest, popping gum. There are some hair jokes available here too, if those cowards would give her a chance.
Kayako and Toshio
Sony Pictures
While we’re at it, maybe roll in another gruesome twosome. See how the Ghostbusters fare when their numbers advantage is cut to a mere 50 percent. I’m telling you, just imagine the pop in the theater when the Ghostbusters are staring at a dirty bathtub and suddenly hear a cat’s meow.
Annabelle
Warner Bros. Pictures
Honestly, it’s shocking that the Ghostbusters have never faced off against a haunted doll. I mean, that’s one of the top haunted things of all time. Yeah, there’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, but I’d argue we need to go classic, and who better than the mother of all haunted dolls, Annabelle? Tell me the idea of her latched onto the back of Egon’s head isn’t a solid scene right there.
The Insidious Guy
Blumhouse Productions
This guy seems to have a variety of names, including the Lipstick-Face Demon. Whatever we’re supposed to call him, I don’t think he particularly cares, and neither do I. What I do know is that I deeply, deeply want a recreation of this scene with Bill Murray in the place of Patrick Wilson. They put him in the trap, and it’s covered in that same weird red lipstick-y stuff? C’mon.
The Pale Man
Warner Bros. Pictures
Imagine the feast of food flying around the room when the Busters’ proton packs are carving up this guy’s dining table, with him lumbering around after them. He’s one of my favorite monsters ever, so I might be biased, but I don’t think anyone would complain if he brought his horrible jazz hands into the Ghostbusters’ world. My recommendation: One of them tosses him two apples, which he catches in his hands, blinding him so that he can then be busted. Bonus points: His eyeballs rolling around on the floor like gross little acorns after the rest of him is in the trap.
The Crimson Peak Ghosts
Universal Pictures
Pop those amateur ectoplasm eliminators into this old, weird, mansion suffused with melodrama, and I think it’d be a fair fight. As long as we have a legally binding, written agreement that none of these beef jerky ghosts will be involved in a re-imagining of the famous ghost sex scene with an old Dan Aykroyd, because that’s a scene no human could mentally recover from.
That Thing from The Ritual
Netflix
All of the Ghostbusters’ big bads so far, even in their many forms, have had the right amount of limbs, of the correct species, in the right places. I think it’s time to branch out, in the same way a cornucopia of different creature appendages branch out from the mass of whatever the fuck that thing from The Ritual is. This thing’s anatomical arrangement would have Zuul puking up recent souls. Get it out of the Scandinavian woods and onto Houston Street during rush hour ASAP, please.
Santi
Sony Pictures Classics
Don’t worry, I won’t make sweet Santi, the ghostly child from Devil's Backbone, an antagonist. This is mostly because I want him to be friends with Slimer. He deserves a fun, comic relief friend, what with all that war trauma.
